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In the 55th edition of As We Leave 2026, Anishka Raj, a Y22 student from the Department of Mechanical Engineering, reflects on a journey that began with self-doubt and ended with self-belief. A journey defined not by perfect grades or uninterrupted success, but by the courage to keep moving forward. From finding a second home in the Dramatics Club to being carried through life’s hardest times by friends who never stopped believing in her, her story is a reminder that the strongest versions of ourselves are often forged in the hardest of times.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
The Beginning of Everything…
At IIT Kanpur, my very first day was filled with nervousness and emotions. For the first time in my life, I was leaving my parents and preparing to live away from them for four years. Deep inside, I always felt that maybe I had reached IITK just because of luck, and that I was not truly capable enough to compete with the brilliant people around me.
The orientation week turned out to be amazing. I made some good friends, explored the campus, and for a while, everything felt exciting and perfect until academics actually began. Suddenly, nothing made sense to me. I could not understand what was happening in lectures, what professors were teaching, or how everyone else seemed to be keeping up so easily. Things became even worse when quizzes started. My scores were terrible. But the worst part was my mindset at that time. I only wanted to somehow pass the courses and avoid getting an F grade. I did not care about anything beyond that. Today, I realize that this was probably one of my biggest mistakes.
I have always been the kind of person who wants to participate in everything possible. So during Freshers’, I joined both Anisoc and FAC. There, I met some really amazing people and genuinely enjoyed the entire experience. Since I was involved with Anisoc, I got to see how costumes and props for different characters were made, and honestly, I loved that creative environment. After all the work, every night we used to play Mafia together. Slowly, I started feeling that maybe this place was actually meant for me. I loved these moments. Freshers’ Inferno happened, I played squash, and except for academics, life was going really well. At that point, I was genuinely very happy.
As I said, I was someone who wanted to try everything. One day, my friend Abhilasha saw the audition form for the Dramatics Club for Antaragni, and we decided to go together. There, my audition was taken by Anushka Gupta (Y21) and Parth Bhatt (Y20). They asked me to sing and perform some mimes and I was selected.
During our very first meeting, we were told that practice sessions would continue during the sem break after the first sem. At that point, everything still felt exciting. I went home for the holidays and then came back to campus for practice.
I started enjoying it. We were given different ads to perform, skits to prepare, structure to create but strangely, my favorite part was never the rehearsals themselves, it was the breaks in between.
Those breaks became some of the best memories of my IITK life. We used to dance, sing songs, eat chai-paratha together, go to DOAA, gossip about seniors, mimic them, and laugh endlessly. That was probably my peak fun phase in the Dramatics Club.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, my first semester results came out. I had barely passed all my subjects and my CPI was quite low, but surprisingly, I still felt happy because I had somehow survived the semester.
Then Antaragni finally arrived. We performed the nukkad ”Akhandta ka Dhol” with Y19s, 20s, and 21s. It was a whole new experience for me, but ironically, I could not enjoy my own first Antaragni at all. While everyone else was posting stories and enjoying the fest to the fullest, I was stuck behind the scenes most of the time. Watching others have fun made me regret my decision. At that moment, I decided that I would never return to dramatics again because it demanded too much time, too much physical effort, and I felt that I simply was not capable of handling it.
When it all falls apart…
As people say, you eventually return to the places where your heart truly belongs. And after all, there were still three more years left to enjoy the fests. Somehow, despite everything, I found myself going back to the Dramatics Club again in the second semester. Maybe it was because of the chaos, the endless fun, the ridiculous jokes, and the comfort of being around those people. During that time, I also performed a street play, “Yamraj Ka Pakwan.”
Slowly, my first sem friend circle faded away. But at the same time, I also grew much closer to my wingies.
Around then, reality also hit me academically. When I saw the SPIs of others, I realized how important CPI actually was. Until then, I had been too careless about academics. That phase changed me. I became much more serious about studies and started studying properly. Thankfully, that sem went much better.
Soon after, I became a secretary of the Dramatics Club. Once again, I did not go home during the summer break because I stayed back for workshops and at the end of them, we even went to Bithoor together.
At that point, life honestly felt balanced. I was enjoying dramatics, handling academics somehow, and convincing myself that things would continue the same way they had in first year, that I would eventually manage to pass everything.
But then came the real trauma period.
In 3rd sem, I ended up getting a course under Mimani, who is famous among Mechanical students for his worst grading. Unfortunately, I took the course too lightly. That semester, I received two F grades.
And honestly, that completely shattered me.
For the first time in these 2 years, I felt genuinely broken. Suddenly, all the confidence, fun, and excitement disappeared. My only goal in life became surviving academically. I felt like I had to leave everything else behind and focus only on studies because I could not bear the thought of seeing another F grade again.
Because of that, I decided that Inter IIT Cultural Meet 6.0 would be my last performance with dramatics. There, I performed a nukkad and also did a monoact. It was a very different and beautiful experience for me. Somewhere deep down, I already knew this was goodbye.
And after that, I slowly drifted away from dramatics and the people there.
But strangely, instead of getting better after leaving it, things only started becoming worse.
Yeh Phase Bhi Zaroori Tha…
In 4th sem, things still did not improve academically the way I had hoped. Then summer arrived, and everyone started preparing for internships. By 5th sem, almost all of my friends had secured one.
Except me.
That phase slowly pushed me into the darkest periods of my life.
For almost an entire year, I cried nearly every day. I had started losing faith in myself. With constant stress and overthinking, even my health began getting worse. It felt as if every direction of life only had disappointments waiting for me.
And honestly, during that time, the only good thing I truly had was Umang.
No matter how bad things became, he constantly supported me. Whenever I drowned in negative thoughts, he was the one pulling me out of them. He kept believing in me even during the days when I had completely stopped believing in myself.
I do not think anyone truly knows how difficult those summers were for me except me.
Slowly, I started distancing myself from people, avoiding conversations, and isolating myself emotionally. Even phone calls with my parents often ended in tears because somewhere deep inside, I constantly felt like I was failing not just academically, but as a person too
How I met myself again..
By then, the placement season had already begun. Online assessments, tests, interviews everything was happening around me, and at every single step, I doubted myself. No matter what opportunity came, my first thought was always, “Maybe I am not good enough for this.” But every single time, Umang was there to calm me down and make me believe in myself a little more.
Meanwhile, people around me were getting PPOs, and with every success story I heard, my self-doubt only became stronger. I was constantly stressed, anxious, and honestly, I had started looking down on myself all the time.
Then came Placement Day 1.
I got an interview. The funny part was that I had barely prepared for that, so I already knew the interview would probably go badly. Still, I sat there and gave the interview for 45 minutes with complete honesty.
And strangely, for the first time in a long while, I felt a little confidence returning.
But more than confidence, placement season taught me something far more valuable – the true meaning of friendship. That phase made me realize that your real friends never leave you alone when life gets difficult.
Pradnya used to teach me SQL and guesstimates. Umang helped me with case preparation and ML. Pratiksha constantly helped me improve my resume. I will always be grateful to these people for everything they did for me.
And the most beautiful thing was that they all had faith in me even when I had none left in myself. Slowly, they made me realize that maybe I had been wrong about myself all this time. Maybe I was not incapable. Maybe I just needed consistency, patience, and people who believed in me when I could not.
On Day 2 of placements, Roshan was helping me revise ML concepts through quizzes. Nishtha was teaching me HR interview questions. Others were literally running around with my resume for walk-in.
And the thing that still makes me emotional today is the drams people, the same people from whom I had distanced myself completely, did not hesitate for a second before helping me. They were carrying my resumes, informing me about opportunities, and supporting me silently in every possible way. Not just them, even people I barely knew were trying to help me.
These people believed in me so strongly that eventually I started believing in myself too.
When I think about that phase today, it still makes me emotional.
Finally, I got placed and so did most of my friends.
The evening of 3rd December was probably the most relieving moment I had experienced in the last 3 years. For the first time in a very long while, I felt light. I felt at peace.
There is a famous dialogue:
“Agar tum kisi cheez ko shiddat se chaho, toh puri kaynaat tumhe usse milane mein lag jaati hai.”
And honestly, somewhere, that is exactly what happened to me.
After that, life slowly started becoming beautiful again. In the same sem, I secured a 9 SPI along with getting placed and for someone like me, who once struggled just to pass courses, that achievement meant everything.
And Then, One Day, I Left…
In the last sem, life finally started feeling peaceful again. I went on a Goa trip with my friends, enjoyed every fest, every occasion, and every little moment with them. Somewhere along the way, I found myself falling in love with this campus once again.
And then, one day, I left it happily.
But IITK gave me much more than just a degree.
This campus and the people here changed me completely. They made me stronger, more confident, and far different from the scared and insecure fresher.
These four years taught me that life is never stable. There will always be highs and lows, moments of confidence and moments of complete self-doubt. But no matter how difficult things become, running away from them is never the answer. Sometimes, the phases that break you are also the phases that rebuild you.
It taught me that failure is never final. A bad CPI, rejections, loneliness, heartbreaks, or losing faith in yourself, none of these define who you truly are. What matters is whether you keep moving forward despite all of it.
More than anything else, IITK taught me resilience.
It taught me that success feels meaningful only after struggle. That growth is slow, uncomfortable, and painful at times, but always worth it in the end. And most importantly, it taught me the value of people, the kind of friendships that quietly hold you together when everything inside you is falling apart.
When I look back today, I do not just remember classrooms, grades, placements, or achievements. I remember late-night conversations, chai breaks, rehearsals, fest nights, random laughter, silent breakdowns, and the people who stood beside me through all of it.
And maybe that is what IIT Kanpur truly became for me, not just a college, but a journey that transformed me.
I came here chasing a dream but left with something far more valuable – a belief in myself that I had to fight very hard to build.
And as I walk away from this place, I know one thing for sure – a part of me will always stay here.
Written by: Anishka Raj
Edited by: Moksh Dalal, Riddhi Shingte
