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In this edition of As We Leave, Pranav Agrawal, a Y22 student from the Department of Physics, reflects on four transformative years at IIT Kanpur, sharing how embracing uncertainty, finding a home in Vox, making lifelong friendships, and saying yes to unexpected opportunities shaped his journey. Through stories of personal growth, impromptu plans and the people who stood by him, he celebrates the conviction to take leaps of faith, discover oneself, and cherish the memories that made IITK feel like home.

Disclaimer: The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IITK.

As I sat down to write this essay, I realised I was writing it for the version of me that arrived on campus four years ago. I keep past versions of myself in my memory. The fact that I’ve become someone my 18-year-old self would have been proud of means everything to me. A lot has changed over time, but there’s still a few things that have remained constant. As an ode to artists that have stayed with me through multiple chapters of my life, and to loosely delineate this essay, I will shamelessly borrow one of PCRC’s songs and its lyrics to organise this As We Leave :P.

🎶 … I wasn’t breakin’ any rules
What has IITK taught me? I think it’s conviction.

You come in after what probably felt like inevitable decisions one after another, and suddenly, you’re thrown into a world where you’re accountable for every choice you made? The horrors. The world in all its glory unfolds beyond you, and you’re grasping for any handhold at all. Of course, you look for people to emulate, but what do they know? They’re as scared as you with their newfound freedom. Besides, they’re not you, you with your strengths and idiosyncrasies.

I remember being worried about a lot. Which is valid, because damn did those decisions look huge looming in the horizon. But I made it through each one. Each decision, each phase, I made it out with just a little more self-belief than before. Maybe the worst-case that I was catastrophizing about did happen. So what? I’m alive to tell the tale aren’t I? Fu*k, I broke my leg and I was fine anyway. Que sera, sera.

 So I say, be brave and take those leaps of faith. It took a long time for me to come to terms with this. I saw people fake it till they made it. There is something visceral that changes within you when you see someone go the distance. You can do it too! You would be surprised at what you can achieve. Do the crazy thing you were slightly hesitant about. Fight God while you’re at it.

Here I am on the other side. I wouldn’t have dreamed of the opportunities that came my way, and I am glad that past me had the guts to take initiative and say yes every time.

🎶 … I was someone so blind
I had planned a lot subconsciously before coming to college. I wanted to hit the ground running. The clubs I wanted to join, the sports I wanted to play, bucket list items that I set about checking off as soon as I reached campus. But IITK has a way of throwing curveballs your way that you could never account for (PE111 fakka gang rise up). I remember that I joined Vox not because of any sort of premeditation, but because they rolled out their forms first, and it just sounded so exciting. I was sure that this is where I’d wanted to be from the very first interview itself. It was my found family with the coolest seniors I’ve met.

I’ve had the opportunity throughout my tenure to dig deep into every stakeholder across campus, whether it’s the staff that made IITK function, the professors, or the student body. It gave me the chance to appreciate our college for what it is. Vox sits at a unique position with a critical eye to all that is happening across campus, and it helped me on many occasions to step back and evaluate my own notions. Compromise is complicated, and nuance is everywhere.

Coming back to theme, I was soon lost. All these new choices and I do believe I lost sight of my dreams for a bit as I blindly figured out how to orient myself in the whirlwind that was all my conflicting commitments through second and third year. Add to this rejections and circumstance, and suddenly there were things out of my reach – door closed. Cue lots of soul searching. You see, everyone says chase your dreams, as if they’re these clearly defined milestones shining in the distance and all you gotta do is run. But the truth is, it takes a lot of groundwork to gain that clarity. It is okay to take out time for this. Find yourself. Find your direction.

There were times I was absolutely paralysed with confusion, rocked by the intensity of emotions I felt. Somewhere near the end, I found a philosophy that I swear by now. I spent a lot of early college waiting for certainty, but I think you must decide with whatever you got at the moment and let the certainty arrive later. The wins will come.

The stars, and all the gravy… 🎶
Locations hold memories. There will always be a soft spot in my heart for Gupta’s. That man served me the best sliced mangoes I’ve eaten in my life, every summer, including the summer in we were forced to stay on campus in throughout. My Bangalore ass got body slammed by this city’s 47 degrees Celsius in 2023. The only thing I remember from that summer was having Gupta ji’s mangoes. For Hall 4’s canteen and the comfort dinners there. For B-Mid in Hall 2, with the trees across the wing. The anarchy that was Hall 1. These places hold imprints of my daily rituals, time spent well. Long after the people are gone, the places will hold those memories.

I used to wonder why people romanticise their college experience, as I am. The answer probably comes down to spontaneity. It’s not isolated to campus itself: there is magic in unplanned moments. I travelled loads throughout college, nearly all of it yolo. One moment in particular sticks out to me though. We were in Thailand, and we’d decided to go to Koh Phangan, which was this sleepy hippie island and when I tell you those two days had me re-evaluating my entire life? Sometimes you see glimmers of another lifestyle and wonder what it could’ve been. While IITK can feel vast, it is at the end of the day a small town of 10,000 people from the same genre. It’s easy to assume that everyone follows the same trajectory – but no, running a tiny community gaming café third space also sounds like a very appealing way of life to me now. Hey, at least I learned how to travel well, another lifestyle or no. The trick is to be very type B and offbeat about it. 

Looking back, because home was so far away, there were multiple instances where I didn’t visit for almost a year. IITK filled that space for me. The campus is alive and buzzing throughout the day (and night). You can always walk into your friend’s room right next door or go to OAT at 3 A.M. to find someone you know. Countless random tiny interactions make for fond memories. I will take this opportunity to thank those closest to me on campus – the last semester was an absolute roller coaster, and I know I only thrived despite the broken leg because of the invaluable support my wing mates came together to give me. Looking back, I can only see silver linings, and that’s nothing short of a miracle conjured up by my friends. D-Bot, you have my heart <3.

As I graduate, I feel so incredibly lucky to meet the people I did during my four years. I came in with such a narrow perspective of the world, a simplistic idea of everything. Luckily for me, IITK is a melting pot of perspectives, and to the very last day, I met people that come from incredibly different backgrounds who do things so so differently. It was eye opening, especially since the Bangalore I know is relatively homogenous in comparison. I’ve had the privilege to be friends with some incredibly passionate people, all pursuing radically different paths. Thank you for showing me that ambition can take many forms. 

I was fortunate to be surrounded by exceptional mentors. I’m also very privileged to receive the kind of agency I did. It was weird travelling 36 hours across the world to get home, but I got like, the budget international student experience (cultural whiplash included :)). I felt like the main character haha.  

And finally, a thank you to my 18-year-old self for making it here. Strap in baby, you are not going to believe the crazy shit that goes down. You’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. It is going to be worth it. Though if any of you readers are from PHY, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Oh I’m runnin’ in, somewhere else to you, oh… 🎶
I consider myself a pragmatic person. I’m not someone who believes in magic for example. Nor do I believe in a benevolent god overlooking my life and deciding to give it a friendly push.

And yet. It was a movie. It was beyond anything I could’ve imagined. For a moment, we really had it all. It’s going to be hard for me to match the sheer novelty and breadth of experiences I had.

There’s a quartet for the four years I experienced at IITK; I’d like to close with those lines:

__________________________________________________________________________________

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

~ TS Eliot

It was an honour, Kanpur 🙂

Signing off,
Pranav Agrawal – 220791