In the 43rd edition of As We Leave, Khyathi, a Y19 undergraduate from the Department of Computer Science and Engineering takes us through her road of self discovery. She recalls her calling for music and the 4 year journey in which she discovered inner harmony and grew as a person. Come along in the ride to know more about her expectations, her takeaways and the moments that left the deepest impressions on her.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
Hi there!
So I had very ambitious ideas to make this one fun but also useful to the readers. But just as I anticipated, it is quite difficult to put down the essence of college life in a few paragraphs.
When I reminisce about my time on campus, I think of the silliest things. Like this one time, a friend I’d just made almost got us into a crash, saying he knew how to ride a scooty. Or when a dog decided to run away with one of my sandals. The time when I was dared by a friend to do mujra on the mess table (was very embarrassing lol). Or the one when I’d unplugged a live guitar cable on stage (leading to grand “सामूहिक बेइज्जती”). And not to forget, the time we had a twist in plans because one of our friends had a medical emergency! The list goes on with many such incidents I would remember for the years to come. It’s funny how the most insignificant moments often leave the deepest impressions. But to keep this short, here’s a little reflective piece with a few bits of advice that I got and learned over these four years at IIT Kanpur.
Unlike most people, when I came here for the first time, I barely had any expectations from college. I just wanted to fit in and adapt to the new environment as quickly as possible and of course, build a career for myself. I had my inhibitions about whether or not I’d get along with people here.
But to my surprise, it came to me naturally. I barely found myself putting any effort into adapting to the new place, engaging in conversations with people, embracing new cultures, living on my own for the first time, and even learning Hindi, a language I had often heard but never spoke. I also explored various clubs and activities in college, especially the music club and the anime society (a rare first to see the anime-watching folks have a circle of their own ;), which helped me meet new people with similar interests. And so I quickly connected with some like-minded folks who I could hang out with.
And naturally, amidst the allures of the new college life, I almost lost sight of my primary purpose of being here, which is to study. I’m sure quite a few of us can relate to that. Being in a prestigious institution, it was apparent that the majority of studaents here were highly skilled and academically inclined, far more than I’d initially realized. Which meant that I had to put in more effort to keep up with everyone else. My first semester went by in a flash, as I was jamming and pulling all-nighters. Before I realized it, I got very close to failing a course, which was a harsh wake-up call to me!
Those experiences led me to start paying more attention to my classes, and I spoke to a lot of seniors regarding the career paths I could explore.
You might assume that I’ve had it easy because I was from the esteemed Computer Science Department. While I acknowledge that it was indeed a privilege, I did face my fair share of challenges to meet up with the ‘CSE standards’.
In general, I felt somewhat disconnected from my peers in the department because I had my own apprehensions about not sharing the same kind of enthusiasm for core CSE subjects at the time. The lockdown only made it worse because we never even had offline classes together. I’d also devoted a significant portion of my time to extracurricular activities, which reflected on my academics. The constant pressure of not knowing where I fit in among individuals who were deeply passionate about their chosen paths was real. It often left me with a sense of purposelessness whenever I contemplated the situation.
By the start of my 2nd year summers, most people knew what they wanted to pursue while I was still trying to figure it all out. I tried coding for a while but didn’t find it very amusing. In hindsight, I do feel like I should’ve given it more time. Sometimes it felt like I had no particular interest in anything CSE related. This made me realize that I hadn’t explored the domain enough, apart from the few courses I’ve done.
I’m glad I made some unanticipated yet good choices in my second year that helped me figure out a lot about what I may be interested in. I had taken up a couple of projects during the summer wherein I delved into some practical aspects of machine learning, which I actually enjoyed studying about. And despite not being particularly skilled with coding at the time, the projects I had undertaken played a huge role in securing me an internship. I surely felt lucky to have gotten the internship from the only company I had gone through the interview process with! This made me realize that even if you’re unsure of what you want to do, keep yourself busy with something or the other and you’ll eventually discover what works for you.
One valuable lesson I learned during that time was to never miss out on filling up an application form because you think you may not be good enough for it. Sometimes, the odds may work in your favor, and other times, you may simply be underestimating your own abilities. Regardless, it’s essential to take that chance because you’ll never know until you make it! For instance, I’d applied for the Google Research Week, a conference for students enthusiastic about state-of-the-art ML research. I wasn’t expecting to get accepted because I had very minimal experience, but I did and I got to learn so much from it.
You get to see all kinds of people in college. Some know exactly what they want in life right from the get-go, and some are unsure of whether they even have something they are passionate about. I was one of the latter ones and probably still am. But I’m more comfortable knowing that about myself now. It’s alright not to have a passion. As long as you’re not terrible at what you’re doing or just hate doing it, you don’t have to be passionate about everything you do. If you think about it, there are some things you enjoy doing more than the others. Just find joy in those little things and give your best effort in whatever role you’re playing.
A huge part of my college life was music! I’ve always liked singing to myself but I’d never pursued it because I was unaware of whether I was actually good at it. Entering the music club was that bit of validation I needed to be brave enough to showcase what I had. And with that, I went from quietly singing in my bathroom to belting melodies in the OAT. I feel a lot more relaxed and confident while speaking or performing now, which is a very useful skill to have.
I’ve seen a lot of people choose not to participate in any clubs or societies, maybe because they are highly focused on their acads or it’s just a general lack of interest. From my experience, almost all clubs and societies are quite welcoming and the bonds formed with people striving to give their best for a common goal are purely amazing. You’ll get to witness a whole lot of that if you’re part of any group, be it a tech club or a fest team.
The music club was that place of comfort for me. There was always someone ready to help me out, whether it was to learn how to play an instrument or to get life advice in general. The combination of extremely supportive people and my love for music kept drawing me back to the club time and time again.
Going along those lines, if you have some time apart from things you’re already involved in, I would advise you to take up a position of responsibility (and no, not for the sake of putting it on your resume!). I, for one, was the coordinator of the music club. Being in a managerial position for the first time taught me how to do and delegate work alongside handling my own academics and personal life. And even during the mundane lockdown period, the club kept me engaged and provided opportunities for interaction.
Though I cherished my time as a coordinator, it was undeniably exhausting for me. I had underestimated the difficulty of getting people to listen, especially when we were all in the comfort of our homes. In my sixth semester, the stress of handling the coordinator role, and taking the dreaded compilers course, while also having health issues was awful. At several points, I’d almost given up and cried my eyes out about how things were going downhill in my life. But I did get through everything without any major mishaps. It was in times like these that I needed my friends the most; they were truly amazing therapists in disguise. This experience taught me to thrive in a setting where I had to push beyond my limits, which was another valuable lesson. One particularly challenging yet fulfilling experience was organizing the Musical Extravaganza for the campus community, the only offline event of my tenure. We had so much fun conducting that one!
In hindsight, things almost always fell into place for me. I realize that I’d taken things too seriously sometimes and would fret about them when they didn’t go according to the plan.
Don’t burden yourself by taking life too seriously. It’s okay to miss a couple of classes, it’s okay to pull an all-nighter once in a while, it’s okay to sleep through the day and do nothing at all sometimes, it’s okay to miss that 5 percent quiz you studied very hard for but accidentally fell asleep before giving it (yes, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it).
It’s also okay to go ahead with some of your cheap thrills in college. But you should absolutely not throw your life away for the sake of momentary pleasures. You’ll never know when you start getting addicted and go down a rabbit hole with almost no way out. I’m sure it’s easier said than done but you must know when to stop and get back on track.
Of course, looking back, there are some things I regret. One was not being able to build meaningful connections with professors. Quite a few professors are enthusiastic about interacting with students and we must capitalize on that. Another one is neglecting my health during college. I would get extremely sick sometimes, both mentally and physically, mostly because I wouldn’t eat or sleep properly and take way too much stress about things. It’s best to pick up some sport or hit the gym and make it a habit before it’s too late!
Lastly, the biggest takeaway from college is undoubtedly the people I’ve met here. This is where you make friendships you will cherish the most.
Whether it was having deep conversations about life or receiving those much-needed words of encouragement, my friends have been there for me in countless ways. I’m sure that each one of us has such people in our life. Don’t hesitate to go that extra mile for those people when they’re going through a rough patch and prioritize them over yourself when you have to. Along the journey, you might drift apart from a few people but the friends you make will be very valuable. Every interaction I’ve had with the people on campus is one to treasure. Even the smallest of them have the power to bring so much joy – don’t miss out on that. I genuinely feel blessed to have crossed paths with such amazing people, seniors, juniors, and batchmates alike.
‘Finding harmony’ is a little pun on how I started off as someone who struggled to discern harmonies to someone who now tries to harmonize with every song I hear. In a more abstract sense, I discovered inner harmony and grew as a person along the way. In these years, I connected with many supportive people who shared their stories and listened to mine, and I’m grateful for the myriad experiences and opportunities that have shaped me into who I am today.
The campus, to me, is a place I could call home, where even walking on the roads at 3 AM in the night is no big deal. No matter how badly you hate the mess food or how extreme the weather here is, you will remember these four years at college with fondness for the rest of your life. So make the most of every moment you spend here and create wonderful memories!
Written by – Khyathi Vagolu
Edited by – Nandini Vaid, Kunaal Gautam
Designed by – Manasvi Jain
