Gaurav Rawat is a final year undergraduate in the Chemical Engineering department. Let’s have a look at his journey at IIT Kanpur and live the nostalgia and reminiscence with him.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT K.
There are so many things I wish someone had told me at the beginning of my journey here so that I’d be less worried and more confident in my stay here.
A letter to the 4 years younger me.
Hey Gaurav, what’s up? I know you’re excited and scared now that you’re finally here; take a breath and trust me when I tell you it’s going to be okay. Your stay at IIT Kanpur is going to be nothing short of extraordinary, and you will cherish it. One of the most important things I’d like to tell you is that it is absolutely alright to feel a bit overwhelmed, and yes, you will find yourself with the nagging feeling that you are no longer the best at anything anymore.
The greatest thing that has happened- and what you must remember- is that JEE is now over. You’re no longer in a race with lakhs of students for one seat. Your only and most important competitor is you. This is you trying to make YOUR life, a life that you have worked for 2 years non-stop to achieve. Try creating your own beliefs and opinions about everything rather than blindly believing anyone you interact with. This will be an entirely different lifestyle, and I hope that you explore and extract as much as you can from this place by the time you graduate.
The academics here work differently, so be wary of that. It is okay to falter, to not score enough, or as much you would have preferred. But don’t let the comparisons make you feel any less about yourself. Embrace the challenge and push yourself harder with every failure you get. I know it’s much easier to say so in hindsight, but it honestly doesn’t get more accurate. I got my best SPI in the semester, which was the most loaded one. Eventually, you will learn to manage your time well, and actually turn out to be quite efficient.
I’m so proud of you for choosing to go out and explore hobbies and clubs and finding a life beyond academia. You will soon find yourself in a new family- your basketball family, which will embrace you with open arms. You will find that the time and effort that you put in will be more than worth it, and you will discover that you’re a better student and a better person because of it. You will obviously need to be a bit more efficient and disciplined to be able to manage your academics alongside, but this will be something that is uniquely yours. It will help you hold on to reality and keep you grounded. The experience of playing in Inter-IIT, competing at the highest level, winning a few games and closely competing others, taking and sharing the responsibility of the team and its future, will teach you wonders. Some losses might even take forever to get over. These things cannot be taught elsewhere. The bonds you form with your teammates, your seniors, and those who follow you are irreplaceable.
Speaking of bonds, in addition to friends, there will be crushes, first-loves, and relationships. With it, there will then be frustrations, heartbreaks, and unprofessed feelings. Over time, I have understood that being open about your emotions, first to your own self, then to the person of your affection, is both healthy and liberating. Being vulnerable is not a flaw as long as you are courteous and respectful of the other person. Not everyone would be walking out of college with the love of their lives. Still, I assure you, the experience will bring growth and a new perspective on emotional maturity.
As you finish your first year, there will be some confusion about what to do in the summers. Probably for the first time you’ll have the option to do absolutely anything. Having gone on a set path on what to do and study until now, it’s alright to feel clueless and even slightly worried. This feeling might surface several times in your life. If it makes you feel any better, there was hardly any time when I was entirely sure whether my decision was correct. But here I am, doing quite fine. There would be several days spent entirely unproductive, some of which might even be around your examination days. While some people manage to use exams to motivate themselves, things can sometimes get stressful if you start panicking. Stop being too harsh on yourself. Instead, start focusing on what is left and don’t allow the guilt of the previous day get to you. This might seem to be an easy way out. Still, it’s a lot better than spiraling down that vicious cycle of trepidation and eventually not doing anything at all.
You may have trouble trying to figure out whether you wish to go core or non-core. Despite being an unpopular opinion, it’s perfectly fine if you just want to go ahead in your own branch. What better than actually putting some use to what you have been studying all these years? In any case, it’s mostly a good idea to figure this out a few months before you sit for your third year’s internship placements. A clear goal would help you focus your energy at the right place, and possibly use your previous vacations for an intern/project. Following that would be your first interviews. Make sure you prepare thoroughly, and having someone to revise alongside might not be a bad idea. You would realize how many placements depend on sheer luck, and you might even face a few rejections. Things might seem very bleak as the days pass, but have faith in yourself a bit more. Not saying just faith alone will land you your intern, but it will keep that fire inside you alive, and you’ll keep going. There might even be times when you’d wait all night for your interview to finally get rejected at 4 in the morning. Times like these would be hard to make sense of, and sadly, this isn’t the only time you’ll feel so. Life isn’t always fair. Sometimes you may have to face the brunt of someone else’s actions. Circumstances may even snatch away last month of your college you were so looking forward to. But, you’ll eventually learn to accept those as parts of your life.
Do explore all the different responsibilities the campus has to offer, right from your HEC to Gymkhana to the various fests. One of the places where you’ll soon realize that you’d personally love to be a part of is the Counselling Service. If you ever feel so about any post in general, then do pursue it with no hesitation, but be aware of how you’re handling everything. CS, along with basketball and academics, would push you to the limit. At the same time, do make sure you’re not doing any injustice to responsibilities you’ve taken up. The work you do might not be the most glamorous. Sometimes you won’t get sufficient credit for your hard work. But, in the long run, trust me, your satisfaction will be such that you won’t feel the need for validation. You’ll be proud of the effort you put in and the impact you made.
There might be times when you do feel you have it all. A modest CPI, a good intern, a credible member of the institute team, a lasting relationship, and an obligation-free life heading into your final year. However, important relationships might break up. It will be a tough phase, especially because you were entirely invested in the relationship. Even without judging if it was terrible or great, if you do happen to reach a stage where you just can’t figure anything out, have faith that it’ll be better ahead. You might not have given much attention to it earlier, but dude your mental health matters. It’s okay to feel lost for a bit, but know that you have plenty of support. Talking and writing about it definitely helps a lot. You might think that maybe the other person isn’t interested or doesn’t understand how you’re feeling. Even then, it’s okay to be absolutely shameless while expressing your thoughts truthfully, because the more you do, the better you’ll feel. Your aim here isn’t to impress anyone, this is the time you take for yourself.
Despite everything, it is imperative that as you come out, you have no regrets. Spend as much time as you can with your friends, because once you’re out, you’re going to miss them a lot. Don’t forget to live your life. College is not just a stepping stone. All this will end way before you can even pause to realize how much has gone by. Whatever issues or challenges you face, just know that your former self is right here. Content and satisfied, having gone through all of them, however long and hard it might’ve been. This might actually be the way forward for the current me as well, as not always will I have a letter guiding me on what to feel. Stay true to your ideals, and things will work out.
My journey personally has been exactly like a roller coaster, taking me to unimaginable heights, only to crash rock bottom just after. Still, as the ride ends, I sit back at my home, where it all started, albeit being much more refined. After all, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, aye?
Written by :- Gaurav Rawat
Edited by :- Hemant Kejriwal , Shiven Tripathi
