Tarun Mascarenhas is a final year undergraduate in BSBE Department. Let’s have a look at his journey at IIT Kanpur and live the nostalgia and reminiscence with him.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT K.
It sometimes scares me to remember how close I came to abandoning my seat in IITK for Medical College. I knew early on that I wanted to do something in biology and figured that medicine was better than classical engineering disciplines. In the end, thanks to my mom’s foresight, I confirmed my JOSAA allocation 10 minutes before the registration deadline! I had realised that BSBE at IITK would indeed be a more holistic experience for me, and I haven’t regretted that decision since.
The Guinea Pig
That said, given my high expectations, my experience on a biology research-track in IITK was sort of disappointing. While most UGs have a clear plan about what they want to achieve in their time here (be it core or non-core), there are a large number who are searching for their passion and trying to decide their future careers. I believe that each department should actively try to inspire passion for their field in these undecided students. However, in reality, even the few of us who enter with interest end up questioning this direction (and occasionally giving up on it). Personally, in my department, I have seen the apathetic attitude of some professors towards UG courses and UG students generally. This is extremely demoralizing. There are of course some gems: Profs teaching good courses and being great mentors. But they are the exception, not the rule. So, what you end up seeing is four years of students and professors half-heartedly getting through the course syllabus. During my time as the student nominee of the DUGC, I actively worked with my batchmates to open a dialogue with our professors about our suggestions for improving the department.
On the bright side, I really appreciate the broad foundation one can obtain in the sciences, with all the courses and academic flexibility we have at IITK. The exposure to different opportunities is another huge plus of the IIT environment. During my first semester, I attended a talk by a professor who worked on using information theory in biology. I was so intrigued that I missed 2 hours of my first Antaragni talking to him after the lecture! This interest in ‘theory for biology’ lay dormant in the back of my mind over the next two years. By the third year, I was slowly beginning to doubt the idea of a career in research. What I was learning wasn’t boring me, but I wasn’t too keen on the type of research I saw around me. I attended a workshop in Bangalore (heard about it from a departmental announcement email) and got to talking with a professor who gave a talk there. He was impressed by our exchange and offered me a summer internship at his lab in Harvard. Working in a quantitative biology lab helped me realise that I was more inclined to a line of research that was theory driven (I am now about to begin a Masters in Biophysics!). It’s only in hindsight that these steps are clear, but I am glad I didn’t lose hope and settle for anything unsatisfactory but kept trying to find a line I would be passionate about doing for the rest of my life.
The Cuckoo
Coming to U.P. was a big step and a huge culture shock for me. Goa is a relatively more Westernized place, Hindi is taught in schools but not commonly spoken. Life in the Hindi heartland of India took some serious getting used to. Growing up, I was always a self-confident child and never had a problem expressing myself. But in my first year, my inability to speak fluent Hindi was a major source of anxiety for me. People used to call me “stuck-up” and “ELS wala ****” for only speaking in English, not understanding that it was out of helplessness. I was always missing out on jokes, Bollywood references in conversations; getting mocked by people for my odd manner of speaking; irritating people when I needed them to repeat themselves. Early on, I was only comfortable interacting with people in English and I tried to avoid conversations in Hindi. But this prevented me from improving. It took a lot of encouragement from my wingies and other friends to get over this insecurity. Speaking to strangers in Hindi helped a lot: because it was less embarrassing, and they were less likely to switch to English. Apart from improving my vocabulary, I needed to build confidence and aim to be understood without worrying about correct grammar.
For many of us, college is the first time we are living away from home and loneliness is now an ever-present possible fate. I developed a sort of “outsider complex”, which stemmed from the linguistic and cultural differences but also my own insecurities and peculiarities. I began to see myself as a fringe element in all the domains of my life, being a part of so many social-circles and endeavours but never feeling like an integral part of any. Now, looking back I see that it wasn’t entirely imagined. I tried to juggle too many interests. Finding the correct balance wasn’t trivial and included dropping things a few times along the way (don’t be a butterfly flitting from one pursuit to another but do step away from those that aren’t good for you). I used to sometimes look around at people forming these perfect friendships, and wonder, what do they know that I don’t. The lesson is (cliched but true): you need to understand yourself before you can be truly comfortable with others. To illustrate, I want to use the metaphor of your life being like a jigsaw puzzle. The puzzle pieces represent your friends, your work, your hobbies or any aspect of your life. You start at the corners and try to build the whole picture. The central pieces must thus fit the most perfectly with all the surrounding domains. A common mistake we can make is attempting to break/change a piece when trying to fit it into the wrong place in the bigger picture, or worse, trying to change the entire picture to better match “important” pieces. In times of turmoil it’s important to realise that it’s okay if your puzzle pieces change or you lose some, you can always re-do the whole picture, potentially making one that’s even better!
The Peacock
Campus is a place where you are truly free to try anything you want, both in academics and hobbies. Whether it was academics, table-tennis, music, wall-climbing, or even CS:GO – the experience of putting in effort and seeing the payoff can be a source of happiness or disappointment. But I have learnt and grown from it all either way. Given the interesting people around you and the endless nature of the internet, I think it is easy to not be bored, but it is easy to get sucked into addictions (so try to be moderate). Life in these four years has been special in that we had freedom with almost no responsibilities (I am sure we will never experience this again). Barring extreme cases, it is hard for any whimsical pursuit to have any permanent negative repercussions. Explore stuff to your heart’s content!
The two best things IITK will do for you: give you a platform from where you can access a lot of opportunities and a peer group of the highest caliber. When I say that people on campus are interesting, it’s not just the things they do and the interests they have; I have completely opened my eyes to the wide ranges of backgrounds people come from and how you can never assume to know Their Story. On the other hand, it’s amazing how you can find people you resonate with so well even though you’ve had very different upbringings. Over the last four years I have made friends hailing from Tamil Nadu to Kashmir, Punjab to Assam. For a small town boy it has been a grand experience in broadening my horizons.
IITK was the place where I really grew into myself. It was humbling and eye-opening at every step. No matter the thing you are interested in, there is probably someone around who is an expert, you just have to find these low-profile geniuses. For common pursuits you of course have clubs to bring together fellow enthusiasts.
My time in the music club was loads of fun: it’s where I made a ton of new friends, learned to appreciate new dimensions of music, and developed a richer music taste. Although I eventually quit playing the guitar, I’m glad I was once a part of the M-Club. Quiz Club always seemed to draw a bunch of interesting characters (met most of my non-Y16 friends here). It was great to be around people who enjoyed the same pursuit of figuring out the fundae. I’m glad I got to be a coordinator along with my friends. I feel like we could have been more ambitious in our overall goals for the club (even though the Nihilanth trips weren’t fruitful per se, we had tons of fun). From bingeing Naruto in the first semester, to co-founding the Anisoc Quiz that people have loved, anime has grown to be a big part of my life (more recently, manga and webcomics too). And I kid you not, I have bonded with some of my favorite people over the shared love of anime! My friends and I started playing Counter-Strike regularly in second year, it is now one of my hobbies that I am most passionate about. We have started an E-Sports hobby group and I hope that community grows in the coming years!
I still fondly remember the early days of playing with my wingies, on LAN, all crammed together in one room, waiting till 8am for Sunday morning dosa. Exploring the entire campus during midnight walks with the best people. Special kulfi was a must-have if you needed to just chill. All those awesome meals shared with various gangs of friends, although chai-pakoda at MT after a night-out is a mood, not a meal. Bitching and commiserating with your fellow sufferers about the unfair world is a number one bonding method. I loved how you could bump into a friend after ages and chat the night away. Nothing beats the adrenaline rush of starting to study a few hours before a paper and then meeting another friend who is in the same boat.
Looking back it’s easier to make sense of all that happened in the last four years, the good, the bad, and the ugly. But I am happy with the way things have turned out. IITK very soon became a home away from home and it hurts to leave, especially in such an unceremonious fashion. As one tends to do, I’d like to end with a quote from my favourite author:
“And so, does the destination matter? Or is it the path we take? I declare that no accomplishment has substance nearly as great as the road used to achieve it. We are not creatures of destinations. It is the journey that shapes us. Our callused feet, our backs strong from carrying the weight of our travels, our eyes open with the fresh delight of experiences lived.”
― Brandon Sanderson, The Way of Kings[*]
[*]Editor’s Note: This gem of a book is poetry and story and life, bundled together!
Written by:- Tarun Mascarenhas
Edited by:- Hemant Kejriwal, Varun Soni
