In the 39th edition of As We Leave 2023, Divya Adil, a Y18 dual degree student with B.Tech. in BSBE and M.Tech. in Mechanical Engineering, relives her unique experiences at IITK, and uses them to draws lessons that can help anyone fight self-doubt and discrimination, and give them the courage to venture into uncharted territories. Read on to find out!
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
Lying alone in my hostel room in the summer after my 4th year, I finally felt the entirety of the weight that the phrases so commonly flung at us during orientation carried – that our friends were our new ‘‘family” and the campus our “home”. I remember sitting on a little stool using Simran’s bed as a table, with her and Sampada at their desks, and we would all study in silence, passing snacks around. This was home. I would barge into Muskan’s room whenever I felt like it, and we would talk away our worries. This was home. I would return from the lab and go straight to Manoti’s room, where I would always find a few other ‘Wingies’ involved in a ‘bulla session’, maybe even Sampada making coffee at the desk. This was home. I would go to hall 5, chat with my friends at the canteen, drag them out to play frisbee and then relax with a movie. These mundane moments spent with friends have made the past five years warm and comfortable and made it possible for the big, uncomfortable, yet exciting ones to happen.
I remember my first-ever volleyball match in Udghosh. Our ‘B team’, consisting of only first-year students, stood on the court, terrified, after just a month of learning the sport. We obviously lost, but the adrenaline rush and team spirit were exhilarating. The bonds I’ve made and the experiences I’ve had with the team are very close to my heart. The long journeys in UPSRTC buses in peak winter where we’d huddle up for warmth, hitchhiking on a random truck while eating stolen sugarcane, the pre-match strategy meetings, the cheering (and anti-cheering) at inter-IIT games, the stretching and massages after long days of practice during camps and the dumb-c games at birthday celebrations. Volleyball was a big part of my first three semesters here. The one good thing about women’s sports at IITK is that there truly are no prerequisites for joining most teams. Sadly, this leads to a few downsides, mainly that the level you are expected to strive for is very low. Whenever I tried to do something beyond that, I got yelled at and shot down. This made things stressful, prompting me to discontinue after my second inter-IIT. Despite my complaints, it was a great experience, and I’m very grateful for the friendships I forged through it.
The BSBE department had a relatively small batch size, and we were close-knit. Our professors were also friendly for the most part, and our lab courses were a lot of fun – we must have been a nuisance to the TAs, blowing up gloves and playing with solution mixers, but we had a blast. However, the coursework focussed more on the qualitative and theoretical aspects of the field, while I was more interested in the engineering aspects. Being unable to work in a lab and the general disinterest of my peers and professors during the pandemic left me quite uninspired, and I decided to switch tracks and explore other fields, which ultimately led me to enrol in a dual degree in mechanical engineering (solid mechanics and design).
This was a major shift into new territory, and it filled me with self-doubt and a fear of failure. Added to that was a change I hadn’t anticipated to affect me as much. I was now an obvious minority – one of the 2-3 girls in a batch of about 120. I felt like an outsider – I had no one to discuss complex topics with, had to work twice as hard even to be taken seriously and would often get unprofessional comments and remarks. It was very frustrating when professors and other superiors said I was not fit for something requiring “physical work” (something as basic as using a screwdriver!). Or when people joked about how I only achieved something because I was a girl, not because I did well. Feeling alienated and alone, I ended up working extremely hard in all of my courses, and while the outcome was positive, it was an unnecessarily stressful experience for a long time. Thankfully, my labmates were welcoming, and eventually, I made friends and got comfortable with the department, but it took much longer than expected. All in all, I am glad I made this decision. It has allowed me to find a field that I enjoy and has opened the door to some fantastic opportunities for my PhD, as my interdisciplinary training and research experience strengthened my application and helped me stand out.
Making this academic shift also gave me the courage to finally step out of my comfort zone in other aspects of my life and try out the things I always wanted to do. When we returned to campus, I saw a poster for a football workshop for girls and went for it. We played in Udghosh after a week of practice. I was a defender and accidentally scored a self-goal in one of the matches. I made the situation worse by getting someone to substitute for me, partly because I was injured and couldn’t run and partly because I was too embarrassed. At the time, I felt like I could never show my face again, but it passed, and I can laugh about it now. Serendipitously, I was asked to play the violin (thanks, Shreyasi), which I had picked up only two years before, for a song in the Musical Extravaganza – it was a tiny part, but I was terrified. It gave me the opportunity to face my debilitating stage fright. I still have a long way to go before I even consider myself a decent musician, but it gave me the will to try, and I learnt a lot from others in the club.
My time here has given me many memories and new experiences, friends that can make any place feel like home, the courage to try new things and the courage to fail and learn from it. Looking back, I can see that I have changed a lot from my first-year self. I have met seniors, batchmates and juniors who are terrific at what they do, and it has indeed been a humbling and inspiring experience. If there’s anything that you want to take away from my story, it is to try out the things that you want to, even if they scare you to death. If you can’t do it alone, ask for help and support. It will probably be an uncomfortable experience – you might actually be horrible at it and make many mistakes. But it will be worth the satisfaction and all the other things you will learn from the process. And what’s the worst that could happen which can’t be laughed off?
“LIFE HAPPENS WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHETHER YOU MAKE IT OR NOT.”
-Uncle Iroh from ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’
I hope you, too, have (or had) a great time here and make the most out of what IITK has to offer.
P.S. I want to express my gratitude to the incredible professors that I have had the opportunity to interact with and learn from. Some of my courses have genuinely changed the way I think. I am also fortunate to have a family that has supported my decisions (although with concerns). It has been crucial to my sanity, especially during the pandemic. Last but not least, I am glad I met all my friends, old and new (not all are in these pictures). Their presence has genuinely enriched my time here.
Written by: Divya Adil
Edited by: Aditi Khandelia, Rudransh Goel
