Palak Agrawal is a graduating Y17 student from the Department of Economic Sciences. She talks about the choices and decisions that shaped her undergraduate journey throughout her stay at IITK.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
Finally, the day came when I sat down to write my ‘As We Leave’ article. Since my first year, I used to read these articles, and wonder how would one of mine will look like, and will anyone ever be interested in reading it. I started writing it, and literally wrote 8 pages about my campus life, and still found that a lot was missing. How am I supposed to summarize these four years in a few paragraphs? So, I decided that I won’t even try to do that, instead, I would try to open up about the struggles that I faced during my stay at IITK. I will try to make it as interesting as I can but bear with me if it gets boring in between because opening about all these struggles is very challenging especially for a person like me who as people around me say and I quote is quite unexpressive in real life, but I will try to be as honest as I can be. In a nutshell, my life here at IITK was a perfect one (at least I like to believe that). Looking back, I don’t think I have any regrets (I don’t think anybody does, as this is the most common line, you can find in any AWL article, lol).
So, starting from the beginning, I was an introvert and a shy person (I know, sounds too cliché, but okay). I used to find it quite difficult to be the conversation starter, but I always wanted to change that about myself. The best support system I always had in my life was my brother, and on the day I reached campus, he advised me to explore the place as much as I can. He said that you have already studied a lot, and it was time to enjoy a few years of your life now. That was probably the best advice, and since day1 I have been doing exactly that. During my first and second years at the campus, I was busy doing a lot of things. I never liked the idea of sitting in the room, and watching shows all day, as I wanted to explore everything that I can. From doing dramatics to volunteering in all the fests to learning photography and film making, to even dancing in DE (yeah I did), to playing basketball, I did it all in my first year (flex, hehe). I somehow also managed to maintain an average CPI all this while. I always had in mind that all I need to do is maintain a decent CPI, and when the time will come I will get serious about my academics as well. But, I got so busy getting involved in these activities that I didn’t realize when that time came. Till the end of my 3rd semester, I literally had no idea that internship season starts in the 5th semester (trust me), and that other people were busy building their resume profiles from the very first year. I was just having fun. I, vividly remember that it was during a random conversation during the inter-IIT cultural meet when Chandra told me that the companies will start coming in just after the summers. I was really pissed off at myself for not having this basic knowledge, but I had in mind that I still have one complete semester, and the whole summer term in my hand to prepare for the intern season. So, I was OK with it. Then comes the month of January, and which obviously means it’s “GALAXY” time. I was clear in my mind that I will participate in it, but this time I also need to focus on my academics, hence I won’t take too much of a workload on myself. But, somehow things took shape, and I ended up becoming the pool captain (I still have Maitreyee to thank for that). At first, I was pretty reluctant myself of not taking such a big responsibility, but that “HALL FEEL”, I just could not let it go. I asked her to put me as the last option for this. She convinced me that she will take most of my workload, but still, need someone for the position, and I said yes. But as time progressed, I saw the condition in our pool. I want to be pretty honest here. There were secretaries from various clubs available in our hall as well, but most of them were not really interested in even participating in their club events. They were more focused on attending classes and giving assignments. That feeling was really discouraging. The number of participants in our pool was already restricted, and on top of that, the ones who were holding positions were not really ready to put in the required efforts. As a result, the workload got shifted on the shoulders of a few people, and those few people were working day and night to only participate in the events, let alone win them. Seeing all this, it became impossible for me to focus on my academics, and decided, whatever happens, if I have agreed to be in the position, I need to give my 100% towards it. Those 1.5-2 months were really exhausting for all of the few people involved in participating in the events. I still remember sitting alone in OAT on the final night of Galaxy, completely disappointed, while other pools were pretty happy and excited. My club coordinators Parth (yeah I have a happy memory of him, lol) and Nikhil seeing sitting me alone came to me and started appreciating my efforts. I could not control myself and literally started crying in front of them (probably the first and last time that I cried in front of someone). I was disappointed that putting so much effort was just a waste, and I could have studied just like the others in my hall were doing. They were pretty supportive of me, and were trying to calm me down, when I heard the name “Shauryas” on the stage, yes we won the FAC trophy (I still am getting goosebumps). I was so disappointed, I never bothered to check the final points tally. After that, we won 2 more trophies, and that was the first time that our pool had won any, let alone 3 overall club trophies (yahan to flex banta hai, hehe). That feeling is something I can never put into words. I was super proud of myself and my pool members, but the saddest part about it all was there was no one from our pool left in OAT to celebrate with. Either they were too busy doing assignments, or were too disappointed (like me) to stay there. But, that was one of my best days at IITK.
There was this one thing that was quite prevalent on campus, that girls get everything too easy, and that they don’t have to hustle for it as much as boys have to do. While watching people doing the things they were doing in Galaxy, I literally felt why do people say that. But, throughout my campus life, I have tried to prove this statement wrong. I was not the most creative or the most talented one, but I am proud to say that at least I tried.
Anyway, moving on (otherwise I will again write 2 more pages on this) when the hangover for all this was down, I realized how much I fucked up my academics doing all this. That was the only semester, I got 2 Ds in my courses, thanks to my friends, otherwise I definitely would have failed. I had no idea what I was going to do in my summers, and next up in the intern season, as that semester was near to its end. And somehow, I could not do anything productive in the summer term as well, and as a result, I completely messed up my internship season. That 6th semester was one of the most depressing ones, as far as academics were concerned, as I was literally just sitting there and watching my friends getting great internships one by one. Deep down I knew that I was not really prepared, and this thought was eating me up. I remember being involved in Antaragni, which was the only good time I had in my day and was quite depressed the other times. The month of November was really depressing, as Antaragni got over, and most of the day I was just sitting in my room. Somehow, I was not able to forgive myself for being so careless towards my career. During these times, you realize the true meaning of the friends that you make, and I am proud to say that I had the best ones to always support and guide me. So, finally, I decided to let it be and started preparing for the placements, at the same time looking for off-campus interns as well. I don’t know, but somehow I would say that I got lucky that I was able to secure a good internship. But, I think by all this, I got too scared for the placements.
Next was the time for filling the Antaragni core-team nominations. For me, the dream of being in the core team started from the final night of Antaragni in the first year. This was something I was always sure about, I was even sure about which cell I wanted to be in since my first year (yes I was). But, as the nominations came by, this thought of losing my career out of my hands started pouring in. I was scared that if I will get into the core team, I will again mess up my academics, and this time the stakes were higher. It was the placements. I talked to a lot of seniors, but their opinions were mixed, and I did not get a clear picture. So, I turned to my brother for advice. He told me that you have done enough exploration in your 3 years at the campus, and now it’s time to focus on your career. I felt him and thought his advice was correct, as he was the one who in the first place encouraged me to do all these extra-curriculars. So, I was finally making a decision to quit filling Antaragni nomination, but there was this discomfort in my heart. I was still not satisfied with my decision. I thought that looking back at college life, reminding myself not doing that one thing that I always dreamed of will kill me. The feel of those “four days”, and all the struggle and hard work that goes behind that. The fire that rose in my heart in the very first year, and that still is rising high, how can I let that go so easily. For me, Antaragni was never a festival, it was an emotion, how was I supposed to kill that emotion so easily. I could not have lived with that regret for my entire life. Hence, for the first time, I went against my brother’s advice and filled up the nominations. I convinced myself that even if I don’t get into a very good company now, with some efforts, I can always switch to a better one in my future. How difficult can that be? But this emotion and this feel are going to stay with me forever. Though the on-ground Antaragni never happened, that team has introduced me to some of the greatest people on campus, and I will always be grateful for that.
Looking back today, all these worries seem to be too minuscule compared to the experience I have gained during my four years at college. One important thing that I have learned in my journey here at IITK is that whatever good or bad is happening in your life, there is a purpose behind each and every part of it. Good things give you memories while bad things give you experience. For instance, I got a 0 on my first PHY quiz (I think most can relate to it) and was bonded with two of the closest people I had on campus while doing those rants. Or the instance, when not getting an internship helped me focus on my placements so much more. Each and every experience helps you become a better person. Another thing that I learned was the importance of having good friends. There are people that you just know, and then there are people with whom you feel deeply connected, and I am proud to say that I have found some of the best people on campus. These are the people I know will stay with me till the very end, and that I can always turn to them for any r*nd* r*n* (am I allowed to write that?) whatsoever.
Lastly, my advice to juniors is simple. This campus can give you a vast amount of opportunities to learn and explore, all you need to do is step out of your rooms (after coming back to campus obviously). While doing all this, don’t ignore your academics (like I did), but at the same time don’t stress too much over them. Placements will happen eventually. Also, it is very important to make good friends while you are in college. I don’t think you can ever find such a great peer group in your life. People are always there to help you, but you also need to be available for others in order to grow together. And you can always shape your personality in whichever form you like to. With this, I would conclude this, I have not tried to summarize my life here, because I don’t think anyone will be interested in that. Instead, I tried that even if there is a single person out there who can relate to my struggles, might get some confidence with this article. Adios!
Written by: Palak Agrawal
Edited by: Jiya Yadav, Aryan Pandeya
