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In the 76th edition of As We Leave, Harshita Chhuttani takes us through her four years at IIT Kanpur, kind of like a timeline with detours. She recalls the deep friendships, campus clubs, academic highs and lows, and spontaneous moments that truly shaped her college life. Starting with navigating her first year on her cycle and finding a sense of purpose and home in ICS, to balancing placement stress with ukulele lessons and trips with friends, she talks about a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and learning to navigate life’s playground with empathy and joy.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
There is no easy way to write this.
Here I am, 4 years later, sitting in the same chair where I spent almost two years preparing for the very 4 years I am now trying to write about.
The room is familiar. The chair is familiar. Even the view outside the window hasn’t changed much.
Today, I find myself back in it, staring at a blank page, trying to make sense of everything that happened in between.
IIT was a place I knew only through newspaper headlines, success stories, and other people’s expectations. I had no idea why I wanted it or studied for it.
I came to college with a few suitcases, a rank and an email from the institute. I could never have imagined what this place would do to me.
As I left behind the JEE phase of my life, where my world was mostly online, I had very little experience with the kind of people interactions that college would throw me into.
To most people, I probably came across as rather reserved or introverted – someone who enjoyed her own company and preferred less social-battery-draining activities. Friendships were never something I sought out. I had friends, enough of them, but I believed I would be fine with or without them.
I’d credit IIT Kanpur for slowly dismantling the assumptions I had.
This place gives you an identity that’s far beyond yourself. You become connected to people without even realizing it, you’re intertwined before you know it and they begin to matter more than you ever imagined. It’s almost unfair that I don’t have the sole control over my life the way I thought I did but it’s beautiful how I get to share it with people who make it so much more colourful.
IITK has given me a home where I’m safe enough to walk anywhere, anytime without a second thought. I’ve travelled every part of the campus so many times I feel like the roads, gates and trees recognize me. They probably saw all my shenanigans and laughed when I laughed, cried when I cried. And sure enough, did the same for thousands of people before me.
It’s a very different way of life. Not easy to get used to in the beginning. But once you see past the struggles you’ve faced while coming here, you’ll appreciate that it’s a crazy time to be alive and a privilege to be taking the longer routes just because you can.
I’ve always been the kind of person to say – “Chahe koi jaye na jaye mai toh jaungi”. And that’s how I travelled this mini world on my Vector-91, one road at a time. If freedom was being offered so generously, why wouldn’t I take it?
Occasionally, my vector-91 had company and so did I 🙂
My first year, as I recall, was full of nightouts, random OAT jamming, exploring rooftops, new buildings and discovering corners of IITK I wasn’t supposed to be in (*cpi cries in one of these corners). I met some people I would never have met if fate hadn’t placed us together in the same hostel rooms or classrooms.
Everyone comes from vastly different backgrounds, and ways of looking at the world. For the first time in my life, I had my differences with people. That’s when I learnt my first lesson at IITK.
Through shared experiences, we begin borrowing pieces of one another’s perspectives. Our differences don’t disappear, but some sort of ‘dissolution’ takes place.
The second Eureka moment caught me in the middle of a health crisis, when seasonal asthma and hospital visits became more frequent than I would’ve liked. I had friends who sat patiently with me, checked in on me multiple times a day and took care of me as nothing less than a family member. I remember being genuinely confused by it. What were they getting out of it? I never expected anything. It was the purest and most unconditional thing ever. That’s when I realised, you don’t always have to carry it alone, sometimes the real ones choose to carry it for you <3
The first year is usually the most chaotic. There were times when I didn’t like the place much, had trouble fitting in, and felt like I’m between a bunch of people who didn’t understand me or care about the things I care about. Somewhere between my exams, some turbulence in my personal life, a solo flight to Oman two days later (I was visiting family) and juggling 3 projects at once, I found myself sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted, but still going. I was doing my best to cope with the transition and aftermath of leaving first year circles behind.
First-year-me couldn’t cope with college but second-year-me kinda fought for it. There was a point I vividly remember when I was sitting in Naveen Tiwari’s fluids class, tears rolling down my face and I realised – the man in the shirt won’t stop teaching just because I’m not ready to understand and the world won’t stop spinning just because I’m having a bit of trouble. So… we keep going.
This place taught me to begin without being ready, grind but also to take breaks, to celebrate and to grieve. It taught me to follow and break rules and to find those gaps (which I eventually covered ;)) in between when I could let things slide.
ICG gave me a new set of friends that I hung out with between projects and all-nighters. They saw the version of me that was growing, coming out of my shell, innocently taking up responsibilities and finding joy in my work. Inter-IIT Cult in second year December will remain one of my most cherished memories of college. More than the medal, it’s the endless BTS and memories I took back.
Even sem had me making some unexpected friends. And this is something I did till my last semester- made new friends. There’s no right time and you’re never too late or early for it. Some of those friendships I hold very dear to this day.
It was around this time when ICS found me. Almost like I was walking a straight path but a small road emerged out of somewhere, inviting me to wander and I planned to take it. The road just grew wider with time and didn’t leave me till the last day no matter how hard I tried.
It felt like a new-found home, a breath of fresh air in my otherwise blehh life. The place gave me purpose and made me feel like I belonged. It introduced me to some of the strongest people I know, helped me make bonds so timeless – I’ll meet these people years later and I know nothing would change.
I spent my second year summers mostly with orientation and intern prep. So as ironic as it might sound, the summer was eventful but I had decided – I will go easy on myself.
And so I did. Third year and this new found way of living had me exploring the freedom we talk about in IITs. Orientation was all about sleepless nights, but so much fun. From giving tests backstage with my team members to nightouts that had become routine, planning the logistics for the next day to watching people dead asleep in the office as if a storm had swept by.
On the last day, after Zumba we came back all sweaty, hungry, emotional from OAT, sat together at the office and jammed.
In the midst of some Anuv Jain song and my battle-worn teammates singing and crying, I realised- this is the whole point.
I didn’t have an intern by that time, 101 degrees fever that day but it didn’t matter. I was content.
Fifth sem taught me how stressing out over things is literally pointless. A wise senior once said – “Nothing good ever came out of worrying”. He probably doesn’t even remember he said it but those of us who heard it do 🙂
I got an offer from SLB like a month into the internship drive, which was pretty late. But I had decided that fifth-sem-Harshita won’t stress out, will work hard but not at the cost of health or happiness.
I had a lot of new experiences that sem (such as being buzzed in the middle of exams :P). My girl group kept expanding meanwhile and things started becoming more wholesome. I was in a steady state.
I finally understood what makes the dream, the dream.
The sixth semester was full of good days. New friends, card games, badminton, impromptu plans and my first trip to Rajasthan with my newfound friend circle (shoutout to CL). Life felt full.
But if I had to title that semester it would be- the higher the highs, the lower the lows.
I can confirm there will be times when it feels like you’ve lost your compass, when you aren’t anything close to what you thought you’d be, and when dragging yourself out of bed will be your biggest achievement of your day.
It is possible that you’ll try to set those goals over and over again and will fail.
To anyone going through an existential crisis in college, feeling like you don’t yet have it figured out and college is about to end in a year – it’s okay, trust me it is. Sometimes you just have to hold on tight for dear life while the storm passes. Not every struggle needs to make sense while you’re living through it.
My internship helped me appreciate how there is a ‘real world’ out there and we confine ourselves so much to the happenings of college. Sometimes it serves as a friendly reminder that you aren’t just a secretary of a club or an X.Y cpi holder or a Coordinator or a Gensec. Yes, you hold those positions, but look a little beyond and we’re all just a bunch of kids in a big college in the country trying to make it out in the best way possible.
It might sound cliche coming from me (and I’m already prepared for the inevitable “ICS Coordinator” remarks that will come my way when I say this) but honestly and sincerely, try to see past the differences. Judge a little less. Talk to someone who looks like they’re struggling.
Because I along with a lot of my batchmates can confirm it hurts like hell to walk past the door where you know someone couldn’t make it.
It’s painfully unsettling and the world doesn’t pause long enough for you to understand what happened.
I wish we didn’t get so consumed in these damn affairs. I wish we could be the kids we once were who found it so easy to make friends merely because we found another standing on the same ground as us, breathing the same air as us, eating in the same place as us.
I don’t believe we ought to guard ourselves so much, it comes at the cost of another.
As much as I love IIT Kanpur, I want to be brutally honest about its pain. My heart sinks, feels hollow to think of how many people around us are carrying battles we cannot see. How many are convinced they have to fight them alone. At the end of the day, none of the things we spend so much time worrying about feel important enough.
And If you’re someone who’s struggling, I promise you life gives us multiple chances. An institute might not. A person might not. A professor might not. But life does. So.. Stay. One day you’ll be grateful you did.
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I had my fair share of dilemmas. Some visible, some not. Up until my seventh semester I didn’t know if I should be pursuing a job, research or god knows what. For someone who liked having answers, that uncertainty was terrifying.
Prof Sanjay Mittal, after a candid conversation, made me realise that I must pick a path and go all in. Because if it’s not right, you can always choose again later.
Honestly man. Do what you enjoy. I literally took ukulele classes right during my ‘placement semester’ (played ‘When I’m gone’ a day before I left campus hehe). And I would quietly go and come without telling anyone because I enjoyed having a little time to explore music by myself. Thankfully, got a decent job – not just me but all my friends too. Yes, it’s the collective that counts.
It’s been a wonder of a journey. I couldn’t vibe to the music during my first Antaragni. I remember standing there awkwardly, unnecessarily shy, as if I had somehow frozen in place while everyone else had a secret handbook on how to have fun. By my last Antaragni, I was dancing like nobody was watching (my friends can confirm that they definitely were). Somewhere between those two Antaragnis, I learnt how to enjoy myself a little more, worry a little less, and stop taking life so seriously.
Character development, I suppose.
If I entered IIT Kanpur with a rank and suitcases, I leave with something way harder to describe.
This place taught me life through a thousand of my ‘Eureka’ moments and oddly, none of them were scientific.
What do I miss the most about college?
Not the big achievements or milestones, rather the little things.
By God’s grace, I never had to pick up an eyeliner on my own or drape a saree by myself because there were enough people to do it for me. How the littlest of things held so much meaning, and the most stressful times became a little easier to handle when one of us cracked a joke.
I highly recommend going on a girls trip if you get the chance. Peak life experience.
There is something special about finding ride-or-die people. The kind who will have your back no matter how rough things get. The kind with whom nothing is awkward and nothing is too absurd to say out loud. In fact, the weirder the question, the better the conversation.
I’ll miss randomly barging into Roy’s room to hug her when I’ve had a rough day, Srishtis’s and mine roz ka “walk pe chalein?” and Shrasti breaking a leg (literally or metaphorically) every semester. Sneha’s room being the adda of our unhinged activities. Shriya being literally my TWIN in spirit and Sanya being the baby of our trips <3 (shout out to the lots of other people that i would like to mention, thank you for everything)
The funniest thing about friendship is that over time, you develop an entire language together. Inside jokes, and a sense of humour that makes no sense to others. Ours felt like it transcended all known physical planes of existence.
And now, my entire college support system is moving to Bangalore while I head to Mumbai.
When they said, “Hum sab milke iski tickets karwayenge, isko Bangalore le aayenge,” I laughed and cried at the same time.
And if they forget, well. I’ll fly to BLR and simply show up at their doors whenever I feel like it.
*sigh*
I’m not ready to face the feeling that all of this has ended. How I’ll never be a student again, acceptably young and naive.
It felt like life threw me in a playground. So, I played and now it’s supper time. Except that I’m not going to play again tomorrow. And it doesn’t hit until tomorrow comes.
Very soon I’ll probably be sitting in an apartment in Mumbai at some odd night hours, thinking about how I could be getting a vanilla chocochip at naughty blenders, knocking on my wingies’ doors or playing Mafia with my gang. I will no longer be able to sit in the open lawns, looking at the various colours of the sky, or pick my study spots when I don’t feel like ccd-ing or library-ing. I’ll miss the professors whose classes I never attended, the notes I should’ve read, every plant in nursery and park 67, the sky walk mornings and OAT nights. I’ll miss the H1 backgate guard yelling at me across the street whenever I cycled down the Gupta road without holding the handles.
I’ll miss clicking far too many pictures of the moon, the hall chhats and lying on the solar panels as if they were designed for me to stare at the stars. I’ll miss deciding to eat healthy every morning and ending up at Mama Mio the very same night. I’ll miss my ’bachhe’, the awfully funny moments, the parties and the elegant little jasmine we planted in the backyard. I’ll miss coming back from the library after an all-nighter and sleeping after breakfast. I’ll miss the “jaldi se jaake aate hain” doaa trips. Part of me wants to write it all down. Not because I’ll forget but because I feel afraid that the memories might seem so distant one day I’ll wonder if it really happened.
Written by: Harshita Chhuttani
Edited by: Gurmannat Kaur, Suhani Joshi
