I have always been a huge fan of As We Leave posts, captivated by how they offer a final, luminous glimpse of a star before it shoots out of the IITK cosmos. But now, the tables have turned. No longer the carefree reader, I have lived four full years on campus myself (a luxury the pandemic denied to the graduates before me). As with everyone, the time I spent here has been incredibly dense, and it is impossible to completely capture all that happened and all that changed within me. Still, relying on the fragments I can recall, I want to weave a narrative around these defining years and reflect on how each semester felt and the preoccupations it brought. The idea is to capture this version of myself, freshly baked by this red-brick heat oven (we have all seen the summers), before the world has its way with me. And, perhaps, leave behind a few two cents of my own.

College began imperceptibly within the same four gloomy walls I had worn down staring at. However much our CTMs and I tried to feel it as a new beginning, the same lethargy returned once the academics started. I somehow made it to the online lectures and then sank back in my shell. The only thing I could think about was going to campus—the place that had enchanted me from the campus videos alone. I remember during one of the lectures with Prof. Achla Raina, where she was teaching us about the word ‘Fernweh’ (a German word for a deep pull towards a distant place, an untranslatable across language), I dropped “IITK campus” in the chat. Ma’am retorted in an angry tone, expecting a miscalculated protest, but later empathized with our longing. On the social front, it was not until the end of the first semester that I had my first voice call with someone in college—Pranjal (a bhai of mine). However, things did get much better after that with long online meetings where we sympathized (a bit) or made fun (for the most part) of Nitish’s school love life.

It was not much later after that we were finally called to campus, and I was leaving my home for the first time ever. The part after that, of how my self-doubts about staying away vanished and Hall 13 started feeling like home, is a bit of a blur. It was likely a mix of frivolous banter with Guru on hypothetical moral dilemmas, the constant presence of Kartik in my bed, serendipitous bumps into people from the batch in the mess, and the amazing GPLs we had in the wing where we would literally be swimming into one another’s rooms (God bless Aryan Kumar). I would be merrily hopping around the entire hall, whether it was for completing the dreaded TA assignments together or snatching another packet from Nitish’s “Indore Parcel.” Life was simple and fun, with the biggest indulgence being Saurabh Bhaiya’s PTCR™. First year has a completely different charm to it; one is part of these immense groups where everyone naively tries to keep it sustainable—because never again in all my (many) home visits was I seen off by 25 people (with 10 from Hall 6) with serious promises of keeping in touch (yeah, I know). The usual send-off afterwards was just Kartik lazily rolling in his bed, just saying in time, “Phir jaa rha (beep).”

It was from the third semester that we finally came in sync with the normal academic timeline and started feeling the rhythm and rigor of a regular semester at IITK. The second year, however, is the one I remember the least. I was struck by intense illness episodes 4–5 times and was admitted to the Health Centre during all four examination periods of the two semesters. It was a time that truly tested my resilience and mental strength. I missed out on a lot socially and hardly spent time with my friends. To escape the glum white walls of HC, I buried myself into course materials. Looking back, the only things I remember from then are running, grieving and celebrating with completely random seniors as a Coco, and working in the Electronics Club (which at least gave me bonus time with my chaapu bapu as compared to my less-looked-after-bhais). Around that time, I also applied for CTM, a POR that was always very special due to the endearing Y19 team and the kind of work one gets to do. I was fortunate to get selected, and I did get to experience some of the work briefly, confirming how much I valued it. However, since my health seemed to only get worse and the doctors were unsure about the course of treatment, I very dishearteningly had to discontinue the post. It was probably one of the toughest calls I have ever had to make, and that summer is still very gloomy in my mind. But in the end, however much I regret not serving the full tenure, it probably allowed me to consult as many doctors as I did and finalize the medical procedure that got me through the rest of my college time.

I started the fifth semester with stronger health and the comfort of an extra year through the double major. I began wrapping my head around the two majors and spent my time exploring options for the extra summer ahead. This was around the time (Y21) intern season hit, and as unfortunately always happens, crevices started showing up in the wing. However, having four adorable little puppies around did give everyone a reason to come together and play/ look after them. The following 6th semester wasn’t that leisurely; I had some of the heaviest courses across the two majors and, well, Kaistha. So it was mostly spent frantically rushing to 8 am classes, pushing through long 2 AM NCL lab sessions, and being an absolute loser at predicting when the next quiz would happen. I also met my double major companions—Mrdul and KP—around this time, which made academic activities with a completely different batch much more enjoyable. This was also when D144 became the OG hangout place for the gang and the setting of many lores (the SIS guard ambush xd).

The summer that followed took me to Germany for a research intern. It was a period filled with firsts—first flight, first international travel, first solo trips, and first-time adulting chores. After traveling to 5+ countries and checking off so many things on my bucket list with companions from all over the world, I came back with a lot of photos but, more importantly, with a greater sense of self-reliance and confidence. 

The return to college was marked by a haphazard intern season. With too much happening too soon, I was taking my time in the 7th semester to make it through my obscure selection of courses and seriously think about what I wanted to do (existential crisis, simply put). My period of self-meditation was put to an abrupt rest by an absurd ‘episode’ involving some of my close friends during placement season. It is a story in itself and I still don’t completely understand how I got so involved but what followed was long late-night discussions, scheming, confrontations, and some borderline cyber-espionage. [FYOG: Never leave WhatsApp on your laptop unattended]. This anxiety continued until Day 1 of placements, where fortunately, everyone came out just fine. The next days were spent running around Hall 13 for the Y21 placements and experiencing the rawest of emotions—brotherhood, disappointment, and elation all cycling through in the span of a few hours. In December that year, I traveled to my first conference. Amidst the considerable imposter syndrome, fascination, and attempts to decipher the talks, I really enjoyed getting acquainted with various members of my academic family through Joshi sir (OG). What I took from the conference was a stronger predilection towards research and an endearing bond with my CFL lab mates—Lakshita, Shivangi, Vivek, Shrajesh, Kalyani Ma’am, and Prachi Ma’am. The 8th semester, the last one with Y21s, was just about packing all the memories we could in a semester. It was about adding new chapters to “Guru ke *” , poker games running late into the night, and reluctant walks to Suraj with the friends who stubbornly refused to buy a full pack. It was about cheering up Shreya madam and playing badminton with Yadav Ji (iykyk) . Sure, I was on a wildly different academic schedule dealing with the hectic nightmare of Compilers but the energy and the feeling of the batch was so contagious that the goal was to just get through the semester as nonchalantly as possible – even if it meant running out of a quiz halfway through to help assemble the branch into a CSTR for the batch photo. But before we could even process it, we were dancing at the final fests, waking each other up for the group photos, and getting incredibly emotional over the testimonials.

Reeling from so much emotion and leisure, the summer internship that followed mostly felt like the typical corporate grind (in a bank though) while I was in the thick of it. However, it wasn’t until on the flight back I felt the true weight of the experience. It was a distinct void left by incredible work mates, the Bombain gang, delicious food , reckless spending and immense (though admittedly privileged) love for Mumbai.

Fifth year started with the panic: ”Oh, we are left behind, let’s do something with our careers.” I was on the cusp of ending the introspection and finally picking a path, which, of course, I still couldn’t do (thanks geopolitics). Instead, I began a ride on two parallel rollercoasters with absolute destructive interference, where the only hope was surviving both. But December did come, and I somehow made it through with the immense support of seniors, friends, professors, and everyone who checked on an anxious, swamped boy. The pseudo 10th semester I borrowed after that was purely to live out lost time with both old friends and the new ones I made in the fifth year. It became a semester of coming up with the best corridor cricket scoring system, faking the most rational explanations to make people order a 6-in-1 pizza for the most unusual reasons, late-night gate visits, and filling my heart with the IITK campus and its people, with the mental comfort of no major impending commitments.

Of course, looking at things from a bird’s-eye view means skipping over the real essence of my time here: the everyday moments and the people who made these years unforgettable and incredibly joyful. It was all doable because of the Legendary/Ramaiya visits with the 4 Bakchods (I’ve given up trying to change that name), routine mess meals with the Civil gang, and Guru’s endless harkate and tight hugs. It was Shreya ki voice recordings, Navya ke origami phool, leaning on Kartik as my ultimate go-to person, conversations and gossip with Mrdul, and KP-Yogit’s humor. It was about listening to bakchod KMS stories from Kaptaan Sahib, and Shishir making me catch a 11:55 train after leaving at 11:15 from campus (yes, I know I have you two in the same sentence :). Then there was cycling aimlessly around campus to clear my head, chai and, lately, coffee meetups with Anjali, catch-up sessions with Rajak, and countless long walks and talks with Archisha, Tejas, and Khushboo. From playing It Takes Two with Shivam to fun and welcoming Y22 Out of Reach managers team; from the chaotic “Dada molestations” to Fursat Mandli obsessed wingies, the friendliest Kam Akals, and not to forget the warmth and encouragement that certain professors showered—you all made this place home.

If you’ve made it this far, I am really grateful. I will end my rambling here leaving you with some of the simple lessons and observations I gathered along the way.

1. Hall 1 DCBM and Hall 10 Pizza Dosa are ever-reliable dishes that can give you new hope when campus beats you down.
2. Moral code and excellence are different things. Excellence in one thing may not extend to another. In an environment like ours, don’t let the halo effect fool you.
3. Fill your plate with more than you think you can handle, especially at the start of the semester. You will likely surprise yourself, and even if you don’t, this is the best playground to fail.
4. Well, make use of the fact that you can stand on the shoulders of giants. With an institute this old churning out so many talented people, it is very likely you will find some one who has walked even the nichest of the paths. Track down seniors, cold-message alumni, and shamelessly gather all the help you can.
5. With that said, as juniors when we listen to seniors, we often feel that they have it all figured out and we are the ones who are struggling. Let me get this straight – IITK is not easy for anyone , everyone when they are going through the thing themselves are struggling. It’s just the nature of human memory to gloss over the uncomfortable grey parts and justify the path(“We believe what we choose” – quoting Gorillaz). I’ve had my own share of breakdowns where I had to be consoled by friends, countless silent walks through campus to replan when everything felt lost, and desperate messages to seniors and professors for advice. I’ve failed to do things the way I wanted to, and for the longest time, I had no idea what I actually wanted to do. It’s all part of the process and no matter how cliche I sound – you will make it fine. Also as a seniors I feel we all can benefit from being a little more vulnerable and giving an unbiased take on our journeys.
6. I owe this one to Shivam Roy: please try Jamun ice cream at Italian Gelato in Swaroop Nagar—love it or hate it. I am happy to reimburse the haters; your life is already too sad 🙁
7. In all these years, I’ve developed a strong belief in the ‘Magic of IITK’ in making the unexpected possible. The source of it is the strength of the community. More than ever, we need this unity and care to stay. So please take the effort, go out of your way, and be kind to others: you are not graduating alone.
8. Kids, don’t let anyone convince you to write emails to company CEOs with an IITian ego for being treated preferentially. At the end of the day, you are just a fresher out of college.
9. Talk to professors, be in their good books . They are human too, they have been here longer than you and they too miss the interaction that was there in a smaller community. Don’t let your nitpicking of some of their eccentricities make you not get inspired by their brilliance.
10. I solemnly swear I am up to no good with this, but if you don’t have valid authentication at the main gate, the magic words are: “Project Staff.”

-Signing Off
RB