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In this 46th edition of As We Leave, Astha Tibrewal, a Y21 student graduating from the Department of Electrical Engineering, shares a story that begins not with IIT Kanpur, but with a schoolkid longing for connection. What follows is a heartwarming and chaotic journey of reinvention on campus. From being known as the “Dubai wali didi” in online classes to climbing hostel walls (almost), from sleepless nights at E-Cell to doubts during intern season, her story is one of resilience, laughter, breakdowns and everything in between.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IITK.
Before I tell you about college, let me tell you some history about myself. I was the nerdiest kid in school, who looked nerdy, had no dressing sense and zero friends. I was alone most of my time studying away and while my grades were top of the class, I longed for friends to talk to and have fun with. No one invited me to their birthday parties, hangouts and for having lunch at recess. This was and will still remain the biggest regret of my childhood. I could have sacrified 5-10 marks but atleast I would have had friends.
That’s exactly what I strived for in campus. I was active since day 1, chatting with people, making a new friend everyday and being a social butterfly. Now, it is true, I did make lots of friends in the online semester, everyone knew me as “dubai wali didi” and I got famous pretty fast. Fast forward to when we all came to campus, I did know a lot of people and a lot of people knew me, but this time, there wasn’t a “group” – no fixed gang to sit with in the mess or walk with to lectures. And that scared me. Horrified by history repeating to me, I went by my motto, “marks bhalayi kam aaye but dost hone chahiye”, and started going out, exploring clubs, making friends, doing tons of nightouts. That was the beginning of all my real college experiences – the messy, magical, unforgettable ones. It was in those times that I finally learned what it meant to just live, laugh, and let go.
Kalesh time – Location: hall 5, Time: 1am.
I attempted to jump into hall 13. Hall 5 has a common boundary with hall 13. My friends stationed on guard, 2 in hall 13, one in the hall13 – hall 5 boundary and 2 with me helping me jump. I climbed the boundary, sat on its edge and was just about to jump when the sis car came and they got out asking me what I was doing on the wall. Terrified, we said, we were just clicking photos (we were literally trembling, first encounter with sis guards) and sis being the cutest guards, said “be safe and don’t fall” and went away! They went away! The way was clear, but then Y19 comes along our way asking us what we’re doing. He obviously understood and before we answered, said “ If the girl jumps, you’ll get reported to SSAC”. That’s when the mission was aborted, and we realized we are more scared of seniors than sis guards 🙂
Coming back, I nicely fucked up my acads for making friends, was constantly getting a 6-pointer since 3 semesters. I became part of E-Cell and that’s where I found the people with whom a bulk of college life was going to be spent.
My cpi was at an all time low, the intern season was right around the corner, and to top it all off, the much-anticipated Summit was approaching fast. The entire summer blurred into a cycle of coding, cold calls, more coding, and even more calls. I was juggling everything being just one step away from a full-blown mental breakdown. Then came intern season. Thankfully, I was able to crack every interview question – perhaps a gift from my “maths bloodline.” I landed a Day 1 intern, something I had worked incredibly hard for. But instead of support, I was met with whispers. People started saying I didn’t deserve it. That I got lucky. Some even claimed I wasn’t even shortlisted for the interview. No one said it to my face, of course – only whispers and comments behind my back.
Despite everything, I tried to hold onto my friendships. I offered help, stayed kind, and remained present. But something had changed. The innocence, the honesty, what once felt like genuine friendship began to feel forced. The purity we once had in our bonds was gone.
The worst part? Which no one should do but I did? I started doubting myself. Am I really worth this? That was the stupidest wrongest thing I could do. Throughout my third year, I felt the same old history return—friends drifting away, the same loneliness creeping back in. I withdrew, stopped talking to new people, and shut myself in. My cpi increased, but once again without any real friends.
The literal changing point for my self-confidence happened outside campus, in Bangalore. All love to that place <3 I built connections outside my usual circle, spent time with my roommate, Anushree, and other people in the area. We went on outings, played poker, explored the city. Those few months were some of the best I’ve ever had—and without question, they were the ones that changed me the most.
I returned to campus, all smiles – more grounded, more mature, and for the first time in a long while, truly at peace with myself. I had finally begun to understand the importance of self-love. I found comfort and joy in the warmest corners of campus life—with some of the most beautiful souls I could’ve ever asked for: Archit, Preeti, Akarsha, Chetanya, Devanshi, Avni, Piyush, Samarth, Raghav, the entire E-Cell team, and of course, my wing.
We spent a lot of time together, did nightouts, laughed hard, planned and organized events, even begged professors for not failing us. It was chaotic, raw, and absolutely magical. I was finally living college the way I had always imagined it – fully, freely, and fearlessly. Amidst this I gained a personal win – losing 15 kgs! 🙂 I went on trips to Kasol, Daman, Indore, Mahakumbh, Varanasi, Lucknow, all in the last semester and all with the most important people to me on campus <3
4th year was full of new friendships, forgetting grudges, making happy spaces, a trip every weekend, exploring all corners of campus and painting the walls 🙂
As I write this, I’m realizing I’ve grown so much more mature than school days, my motto is fulfilled😂, I’m graduating with a decent cpi xd and most importantly, I met great people and made THE BEST friendships which will stay with me for a long long time 🙂
Thank you Vox for taking me down my memory lane! <3
Written by: Astha Tibrewal
Edited by: Saurya Singh, Aaliyah Ahmed
Designed by: Pankhuri Sachan, Pragya Puri
