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In this 37th edition of As We Leave, Nishita, a Y21 student from Mechanical Engineering, reflects on her rollercoaster journey through IIT Kanpur — from uncertain beginnings and academic setbacks to finding confidence, purpose, and her true self. Through friendships, failures, PORs, and quiet moments of reflection, she found not just a home and family, but also a renewed belief in her own strength.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IITK.
IIT Kanpur — you came into my life and transformed me in ways my 4-years-younger self could’ve never imagined. You became my home — a beautiful place, mera ek chhota sa sheher <3. You gave me a family — people I can truly call “mere apne”. You gifted me the best college memories one could ask for. You changed me in countless ways, but more than that, you helped me truly discover who I am, what I want, and what I can do. Here are a few glimpses of my journey — of how this place built me, broke me, and helped me rebuild myself.
Back in 2021, I was just a girl who had no idea what she was capable of. All I had was one goal — crack JEE, no matter what (and honestly, I didn’t even know why that was the goal). I didn’t know what life at an IIT looked like, or how it was any different from other colleges, or for what exactly I was chasing it. I just knew I had to keep going. I remember those JEE prep days — completely alone, not a single real friend, so many days I used to cry, telling myself, “It’s just for a little while longer, Nishita. Once you reach college, you’ll make so many friends!”
And finally, I got Mechanical Engineering at IIT Kanpur — now, a whole new journey began.
From online classes to finally stepping onto the campus, every single day brought something new — something to do, something to talk about, something to laugh over. I used to dream of making friends and to fulfill it, I probably ended up socializing more than I ever thought I could. Endless bulla sessions, constant chatter, becoming that one super talkative person in every group, taking part in almost everything I found — it was just new, fun, dance, and laughter.
I brought out my whole extroverted self — and somewhere in all this newness and excitement, I forgot that I had come here to study too. The first three semesters at IITK felt like I was drifting — I had no idea why I was doing, what I was doing. I made some decisions because my amma said so, others just because everyone else was doing it. And the things I tried so hard to get, somehow never worked out — like getting into SNT clubs.
The good grades I got in my first online semester were mostly because my friends helped me, but I didn’t take it seriously back then. Later, when it became a habit, I realized that it didn’t work the same way in offline semesters, and I ended up facing a big academic setback— somewhere deep down, I knew I deserved it. Even after trying in the third semester, everything just… fell apart. For the first time in my life, I failed a course. When you’ve been taught your entire life to secure an A grade, and you end up getting F, Ds, and Cs—it hits hard.
At that point, I had zero confidence that I could do anything on my own. I got distant from the only person I used to talk to and spend time with. My friends started dating (fun fact: I and Aashi always date one after the other—one breaks up, and the other starts lol). I kind of ended up with no one to rely on, except a few (AASHIIIII – ILY), and slowly, with all the realizations about what I was doing… my social energy started draining.
“A big token of thanks to my amma—Shreya and pseudo amma—Ashi for being there with me, guiding and helping at every step.”
Ashutoshhhhh I can’t thank you enough for always being there for me — patiently helping me out, even with the tiniest doubts. It still makes me laugh remembering how I used to ask you for help writing emails to the professors or calling you every time just to vent my silly rants. Thank you for always believing in me, even more than I believed in myself. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever done even half as much for any of my juniors as you’ve done for me. Forever grateful <3
And then came the fourth semester—when without even realizing it, I was rebuilding my life. Everything had been left in the past. I began a new academic journey, adopting new ways of studying, and for the first time, secured an 8+ SPI all by myself. I built new bonds (met my brother and sister for life—Parth Vijay and Khushi Agrawal, ILY). This time, besides having fun, I actually started dreaming about what I wanted, focused on my weaknesses, and stood up again after failing.
I still remember when I decided to leave every other POR and wanted to become an APC. But I failed the interview. I cried for 24 hours straight—questioning my decisions, doubting myself, and just… spiraling. What I didn’t know then, was that the universe had something else cooking—a new turn in my life. I became the PMIG Leader and CWC Manager. These two roles were the start of something new, and I was the happiest. I finally got the space to bring out my creative side, to actually build something from scratch—basically, jo mann tha woh karo. And I did that!
My love for PMIG (a.k.a. Product Club—you have my heart, and I hope you continue to grow and grow).
In all those doubts—where I didn’t know what I was capable of, what I could or couldn’t do, whether I’d be a good leader, or “kya meri intern lagegi”—there was just one thing I knew: Nishita, pick things up and try whatever you think you can… and jo hoga dekh lenge.
I still remember opting for SURGE because everyone said it holds value (and they were right). But the project I got was completely off-track—something I had never even heard of before. So, when I had to drop my SURGE project to repeat a course I had failed, I didn’t feel that bad.
Here’s why: During endsems, I randomly applied for a research internship under a professor from the Civil Department—because the topic genuinely interested me. And guess what? I got selected. I truly enjoyed working on that project. I built everything from scratch, put in the effort, and surprisingly, not once did I feel like, “Why am I not doing SURGE?”
Because I was happy. I was exploring. I loved the fieldwork.
I also focused on improving my English communication skills—I knew it was one of my weaknesses. Khushi, remember: “ab se hum bas English mein conversation karenge”?
I never thought I’d get an internship so early. I always assumed I’d have to wait, keep trying, and be patient. But I got selected on Day 1. Right after my interview, my HR came out and said, “We’re giving you the offer. You’re exactly the person we were looking for.”
And I truly believe that, beyond all my other efforts, the research intern project genuinely made a difference. Sometimes I wonder—what if I hadn’t applied for it? What if I had just stuck with SURGE, thinking sab kar rahe hain toh kya mujhe bhi wahi karna chahiye? But now I feel like everything fell into place because I never chased a project thinking yeh karungi toh intern lag jaayegi or yeh POR lungi toh placement ho jaayega. I just followed what felt right. Picked up what truly interested me. Everything aligned. My confidence grew. And if nothing else, I knew one thing for sure—Nishita mehnat karegi toh sab hoga. And generally, you put effort into those things which you truly want to do!
And that’s when I gained my confidence back. During my third year, I allowed myself to do all the things that I knew I could or couldn’t do. This year was all about managing PORs, and academics – I learned a lot! PMIG became an integral part of my journey, a family was built (Utkarsh & Rutvik AAAA..) – from knowing nothing about PM to helping people learn about it – What A Journey!!! Everything I did during my tenure was a first – be it my first PM session, my first competition, or my first-ever tenure-end party (which was hell-crazy ofcc)!
One thing I’ll always regret is not being able to contribute to CWC as much as I wanted to. I really did want to — but things didn’t work out.
Somewhere along the way, I also discovered a lot about myself — like how I stress about the tiniest things just because I want them to be perfect. My expectations from myself, my work, and my team are always high — and that comes with its own pressure, something I’m still learning to handle. As third-year wrapped up, one thing I was proud of was how I kept raising the bar for myself — and did everything I could to meet it.
March 2024 – “The OG Rajasthan Trip.” Hands down, one of the best college trips I’ve ever been on. I’ve been to a few more trips before, with big groups where there are always mini groups (mine has always been Manasviii <3) and a whole lot of chaos. But this one? Different. This time, everyone was together, we laughed, explored beautiful places, dressed, danced, relaxed, and enjoyed the food (a lot of food) — basically the perfect trip! It brought us even closer together. I feel college trips apart from enjoyment, explorations, and memories, help you to know and connect with people better, so everyone please — ABBA ko mana lena and don’t miss out on a college trip. It’s worth it. Every bit of it.
Then came the shift — when I had to leave for the summer internship. There’s a certain excitement I always carry when stepping into something new — full of hope to learn, grow, and improve. And I did learn a lot. But not just about the work.
The biggest lesson? “Not everyone will be nice to you.”
I’ve always believed in the “if you’re kind, people will be kind back” idea. Sadly, it doesn’t always work like that. I felt down for a few days, but gradually, I learned to distance myself from the negativity and look forward to the work and new bonds I created. It’s still a journey — learning to be bold, to not let others’ opinions affect me.
Finally, the internship was over, I was offered with the PPO — time to CHILL! Then began the final year. And I still don’t get how we went from doing RR about last year → last semester → last month → last day → the last hour → the final minute — to everything suddenly coming to an end. Every year adds something new to your story but this year was all about enjoying the new while constantly feeling a tiny tug of nostalgia for everything that’s been.
The 7th semester — It was peak placements, pressure, and pure chaos. Since everyone was busy with the prep, I chose to grind for one last time – academics, casebook, patent and decided to keep my last semester for complete fun. I finally joined Prayas — something I had always wanted to do at IITK. Also, this was when we had our last Antaragni. My only memories of fests — the chaos we created while getting dressed, “One, Two, Three… Late Again!”, running with Manasvi on the OAT road (crying “yaar usne yeh song bhi gaa liya!”), dancing, endless photos, staying up late, and then waking up the next day only for the chaos to begin all over again. I’m just glad I can at least remember all of this 🙂
And then came those five intense placement days. Placements are honestly weird — they make you feel everything at once: happy, sad, anxious, hopeful, helpless, frustrated… everythingggg. Each shift felt like an entire day in itself and those 4 hour transition periods weren’t a break either – they were moments of grieving and preparing for the next. I remember sitting alone in the open area, waiting for my friend’s interview to be over. I was just staring across the building — every floor filled with people in suits, resumes in hand and faces carrying a mix of hope and exhaustion. It hit me then — this is the same hall where a first-year walks in, wide-eyed, excited about life at an IIT. And now, it was the same space filled with students, drained and heavy, trying to explain (or, sometimes create) stories about what they’ve done over the past few years — all to a stranger on the other side of the table. But placements do one thing right — they reveal who your real well-wishers are. Anyway, after all this chaos most of our friends got placed, and finally a huge sigh of relief. Btw this was the semester when I secured 9+ SPI for the first time all by myself 🙂
And now comes the beginning of the end — the last chapter!
I still remember when this semester started, I promised myself to make every day count xd. Of course, that didn’t really happen. I wasn’t out there doing the crazy, adventurous stuff I thought I would.
Instead, my days settled into a kind of rhythm —
Attending a few classes here and there, lunching with Aashi and Khushi, lying around in C-bot listening to Antaragni’24 nostalgia and playing badminton, third-wheeling Khushi and Siddharth, and finally, ending the day with those late-night conversations with Aashi and Khushi all over again. It wasn’t extraordinary… but honestly? It was perfect in its own way. Well, except that my bond with Atishay grew stronger and I finally had the best birthday at IITK (despite it always falling right in the middle of midsems)!
Days kept slipping by, and one after the other, all the little things I used to manifest about graduating started becoming real — the last fest, batch photoshoot and video, Wing Amma-Bacha party (I’ve got the best wing btw), PC tenure-end party, DE, the farewell, last endsems… and Hall 1 ki baarat. As calm as things felt before midsems, the time after was overflowing with excitement — and a whole lot of quiet sadness too. Even though I and Khushi always lived with the statement “Abhi toh bohot time bacha hai”, till the day the three of us cried and hugged each other “Abhi toh kitna kuch karna baaki tha”, and finally waved our goodbyes.
My comfort place <3
I always hoped that when I look back on my journey, I’d see moments, choices, and experiences that I’d always be happy and proud to remember — and I think I do! Even with all the mistakes, failures, and detours along the way, I don’t regret a single part of it. Sure, there are moments when I wonder how things might’ve turned out if I had chosen a different path — but deep down, I truly believe this:
The universe wanted me to walk this road.
To find myself through it.
To carry these lessons forward — and build something even better from here.
Written by: Nishita Gupta
Edited by: Sneha Jain, Sanchit Arora
Designed by: Pankhuri Sachan, Pragya Puri
