Disclaimer: Vox Populi, IIT Kanpur, is the exclusive owner of the information on this website. No part of this content may be duplicated, paraphrased, or interpreted in any other way without written consent from Vox Populi. If you want to reproduce any of the content on this page, please contact our chief editors directly or reach out to us by email at voxpopuli@iitk.ac.in.
In this 14th edition of As We Leave, Utkarsh Agrawal, a Y21 student graduating from the Department of Mathematics, reflects on a journey shaped by gradual transformations, fleeting moments, and the shifting nightscape outside the window. What began in stillness unfolded into memories, friendships, and a farewell that lingers gently—much like the quiet scenery he leaves behind.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IITK.
A Goodbye in Four Phases
Writing this on my ride back home, lying on the bus seat, a cold breeze rushing in and the full moon over the window sill; all of it making the ride nostalgic in itself.
The moon, shifting in and out of sight, seemed trying to personify my college journey; and mirror the thoughts of leaving in stages – nostalgic, clouded, dim, and glowing.
I was quite okay at the thought of leaving the campus. Like every other phase of life, here too, there would be people withdrawing; you aren’t happy with it but that’s life. Made me wonder, what would be different this time?
That’s when I turned towards writing this piece which has slowly turned to be more emotional and reflective, than I anticipated. The weight of “milte hai soon…” texts kept growing heavier with the realizations of never returning to the college phase, ever.
I was never into talking much, and with due fairness my social skills, in particular, are something that have evolved deeply over the years. I initially tried, but in the online sem lagged behind for a lack of acquaintance with contemporary social trends. I could get a good start in the offline phase because of my fondness for interacting with strangers but I continued to struggle to form meaningful bonds with people.
A due credit goes to my wing, and the people I found thereafter, who took in extra efforts to give me company. I got to talking with people and learning to turn acquaintances into friends. My short stint at HH, where I quickly realized my lack of talent for comedy, got me to talk out myself, without the need for overthinking. The late night bullas, participation in multiple clubs, random political arguments, wing pranks unsuitable for public acceptance, which finally got me the social butterfly in farewell (though credit to MTH fam’s hooting too!). Nonetheless, I am still to get comfortable sharing my personal life, something left for future UTkarsh to take care of!
Accompanying me on the ride, the moon had changed its elegance, peeking in and out of the hammered clouds. Another notification pops, “It’s a weird feeling to see your room open nd not finding you in it, miss u :/”. On the already quiet night, the eyes welled up, not so rare on campus but rare for campus.
One of my memorable experiences in college was participating in TechMeet. Something that pushed me over & gave some best friends for life. Quite a trenching time putting in effort, but all was worth doing with such a great team. It was a perfect roller coaster experience, with sitting clueless a week before midterm submission, to being super excited with our idea, to questioning our life choices on a possible shift in the set of seniors. I remember breaking down, back in hall when a senior dismissed our idea two days before the presentation. But in the end, the stint was golden!!
My journey with Vox was a distinctly wonderful one. Joined in for the idea of journalism, stayed in for the amazing people and culture, and ended my stint with it for something I liked most about it. It was a place to be a great junior, approachable senior and fun team member and is a part of my core campus memories. The article meets at CCDs, continuous texting on messenger and endless contemplations over petty sentences are gonna stay forever. It gave me many great friends and a thing I kept getting identified by throughout my college life. Though it was harsh seeing it lose sight of what it stood for (atleast for me), many lessons were learned and a place in heart reserved for it and its juniors always.
Beyond these core journeys, the campus offered innumerous unexpected experiences. I played squash, enjoyed humanities more than my core courses, role played the PM twice despite regularly bashing him in the wing, and once argued solo at length against eight over a Takneek penalty we didn’t deserve. But if I had to pick my most dramatic one – it’d be this train story.
So a group of friends (including two well known Y19s) left campus at 8:00 in night for a train that departed at 8:40. At 8:30, I started getting calls, “Pull the chain! We’re almost there!”. So after repeated calls, panic, and a promise to pay the fine later; I pulled the chain! Great, yes. Except… they weren’t even close. What followed was chaos: judgy eyes, arguments with staff, police interventions, and finally, the train started moving again. And here comes the climax: four kids sprinting across the platform, chased by their auto-aunty yelling for payment (because none had cash), all chasing a moving train. Finally someone pulled the chain again, and they made it. I never got the promised treat, but surely a story for life.
This ride’s scenery had unfolded another mood. The moon has disappeared again, this time behind these rising mountain breaks. Barren and dusty with some thorny risers resting the terrain. Lit and glow, yet dark and loomy.
Entering the premises an immature, I had just like any average kid, a hunch to be popular. Somehow, this reciprocated into an idea of wanting to be liked by everyone. I would take extra steps even if it meant doing things I don’t like. It took a long while to realize that this in turn just drained me emotionally. It’s perfectly fine to not like some and not be liked by everyone. It’s fine to say no, argue or not be able to care for some. What matters is to have some whom we can deeply care for!
The more I think about it, the simpler my college life feels. For me the campus acted like a mirror – reflecting what I threw at it. When I locked myself in my room, it quietly held the silence with me. And when I let myself loosen up, the campus opened up too, with noise, chaos and fun.
IITK, at its core, gave the freedom to choose. To take a class or miss it, get an opportunity or just lie low. But choice is tricky. Sometimes it works. Often, it doesn’t. It’s hard to know whether the decisions we make will age well. And maybe that’s what makes life hard to pin down. Especially for someone like me, who likes to plan down things to the minute.
My branch here was MTH, though I still have contacts saved as MnC. Mathematics was never my strong suit, though I didn’t dislike it. The subject offered a number of eureka moments. Just the problem is the courses in literally every semester featuring a pursuit to evade degree extension. But with friends so wonderful, I survived. Notes and papers from over the four years left behind in haste or consciously?
This moon is back high and the scenery has elevated again. It’s like a painted frame on the wall, with the essence of life somewhere far deep.
The final year was a complete contrast to my earlier three years. I was a part of multiple clubs in my earlier years, with days on end when I would return room only to sleep. But suddenly with my final year, I had nothing to do. Initially, this did not reciprocate well; with me staying in my room most of the time, getting bored and sad. I was in a new wing, compounded with a low social energy to make new friends. With time, I painted, decorated my room, attended random gymkhana events only to slowly discover people who were gonna be part of my best campus memories.
Post the placement season,the last sem passed quicker than I could have imagined and undoubtedly as the best one. The sem was lit with parties and events, with a complete absence of any routine. The room had become a community space and the wing kept buzzing with delightful experiences, forming everlasting bonds and memories. The two awesome HSBC trips, movie nights, random night outs, appearing at doors in H9 C-bot, filmclub shoots, DE prep and so much, all culminating to this day. The day to leave campus.
Last night on my final walk on campus as a student, the campus had magically become much more beautiful. It was more vibrant, more nostalgic, more worth every ounce of missed sleep. Yet there was something missing, a kind of dead silence engulfing it tightly like one pulls its blanket on a chilly night. Every corner had memories, once made so unknowingly only to come back, give an uneasy smile and leave wondering in retrospect.
IITK is not a utopia, fair but it acts as an equilizer. An exception to other social institutions, who solely contribute to the illusion of meritocracy in our capitalist society. Many have been part of my journey, contributing in its making. This piece is a thank you to them for all the memories made, bonds forged and emotions shared. However small our stint was, post college we might meet or not, the togetherness will always be shared and cherished. Ending with this from Irfan Khan: “Aur akhir mein jane dene ka naam hi zindagi h…”
Adios ♥️!
Written by: Utkarsh Agrawal
Edited by: Mannat Shrivastav, Disha Singh
Designed by: Pragya Puri
