As We Leave #22: Equilibrium Eschewed: Becoming the Anomaly

Sixth semester and the start of the Seventh semester turned out to be the worst of my nightmares. Some major misunderstandings resulted in the loss of a cherished bond I had nurtured since the first semester. I can’t and don’t want to delve into the details, but these lines always remind me of that period:

“How often we forget that,
no matter how hard we try to fill each chapter with the right ink,
once turning those pages
we all are villains
in someone’s story
….And that’s alright.”

These two semesters formed my greatest internal challenges, which surprisingly centered not on academics or career, but on repairing my self-confidence after it had shattered into fragments. As the adage warns, when you’re down, everything around conspires to bury you deeper. I had locked myself up in my room for days, missing meals, I just did not feel like getting up from my bed, and as a result, my health deteriorated(both mentally and physically). The night when the doctor in HC wrote on my prescription “Refer to counseling service”, it was a wake-up call for me. (Eternally grateful to my best friend who never abandoned me despite my self-sabotaging efforts). I picked myself up, slowly but by that time it was almost mid-August and I had come to a point where I had no time to decide between placements or UPSC because undoubtedly it was going to be UPSC as I had not even started the placement preparations unlike most of my batchmates. But I was still not convinced at heart.

Out of nowhere, a week before the resume submission I started preparing my resume too, with no particular thoughts in mind, I just began to formulate it in a way that highlighted my prime interests and works in the field of ML. Three days before the submission (read this again ;)) I called Harshit and said “Let’s go for a walk”. Little did he know the bombshell I was about to drop. That day I broke this news to him, “I want a shot at the big league(placements:)). I am preparing my resume.”  (The RM bus stand was the backdrop of this disclosure, I remember). For the first time ever, I’d uttered those words aloud. That was followed by a reality check and we talked about where I stood and how prepared I was to step into the arena.

After that, I cleared my mind of all confusion and focussed only on placements(Again such impulsive decisions are not advisable), But that’s my story.

The coming months were very stressful, past BT, uncertainties, no good background or preparation. But I had only one thing in mind, I have nothing to lose from this so why not give my best shot? It was during those times that I found an awesome group, “My group”, we infamously call ourselves “Blah Blah”.

Almost every Chemistry alum I knew had detoured into research, leaving me few relatable footprints to follow. Apart from my cross-branch Blah Blah buddies, I was largely flying solo.

I took all the tests opened for my branch and performed well. The shortlists started coming out with me searching my name through all the lists. Even with the same number of correct questions, I was not getting shortlisted for the companies. That was a very heartbreaking moment. 

By November 30th, an almost unbelievable reality: I had accumulated a WHOPPING zero shortlist. I went to see one of my seniors whom I usually turn to when I am under such conditions, and I told him the scenario, He said, “Yaar dekh, mushkil hai, I won’t lie.” A dagger to the heart. I cried a lot that night, not because I wasn’t prepared enough, but because I just needed a chance to prove myself.

I table-flipped that negative energy, devoting my first three placement days to supporting my shortlisted friends. It was a difficult feeling. One by one they started getting placed. After they all got placed, I was ready to leave for home, with no regrets, because anyway UPSC was the end goal, but thought I might get a hang of the corporate too, maybe not my cup of tea. NICE TRY, I said to myself.

But my crew wasn’t having my resignation. They scolded my surrender, issuing an ultimatum that I wouldn’t be allowed to leave campus ’til December 10th…a demand I only agreed to on one condition: My tests would be exclusively for the roles aligning with my interests and decent pay requirements. An odd stance perhaps, but my friends backed my conviction fiercer than my own.
December 9th delivered my first shortlist…which rapidly transitioned into my first work offer as a Junior Data Scientist in that company! The role, the offer, everything was just according to my expectations. In a full-circle rematch, pride swelled my chest for the first time in ages. That RM Bus stand convo flashed before my eyes and as I looked at my side, I found my best friend there almost as emotional as me.
I don’t know where I’d have crash-landed without this squad rallying around me. We have seen some of the toughest times of the campus and dealt with it together.