Shobhit Bamoria is a Y18 student from the Department of Chemical Engineering. In this edition, he recalls his time at IITK. This is his honest account as an “average” kid who coped up with the challenges thrown at him.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
अब अपना इख़्तियार है चाहे जहाँ चलें
रहबर से अपनी राह जुदा कर चुके हैं हम– Faiz Ahmad Faiz
Alright, it’s 3 am, and after almost a month of denial, persuasion, procrastination, more denial, more persuasion, I have decided to give in and write an As We Leave. Having spent most of my life at IITK sleeping through the day and staying up at night, it’s kind of fitting to be doing this at the devil’s hour.
Initially, I did not intend to write because I did not think there was any gimmick to my story. It would probably be a waste of time for anyone reading it anyway. But then I remembered how I read these blogs in my early undergraduate years and sometimes felt at ease whenever I could relate to one. There may be someone out there who could relate the tiniest bit to my journey. It may bring them some solace, a smile on their face( highly unlikely event!), or some perspective on what (not, mostly) to do during their stay at this wonderful place.
Disclaimer – do not expect this to be an article flooded with philosophical and placement gyaan or catchy phrases using the lingo that makes you all nostalgic. If that interests you, you can find those in other awls written by people who are way better at it. This AWL is an honest account of how an average kid coped with all the shit thrown at him and (barely) survived. If you can pick pieces that may help you deal with any of the things similar to what I experienced, that’s great, and I would feel a little accomplished. All right, enough of this crappy wannabe mini pep talk. Let’s cut to the chase.
Pilot
I came to campus on the sunny and incredibly humid afternoon of July 20th, 2018. Being a pampered kid, I had no idea what the hell of a ride I was in for. The orientation week was rejuvenating after two monotonous and lifeless years of JEE preparation. As promised by our wing baapus, they were indeed one of the best days in our college life (though I will never forgive CS for not conducting the HR Kadim story for my group). However, the fun was short-lived. On the second day of classes, I fell while riding the bicycle and somehow fractured my left wrist. I know what you’re thinking, like how the hell is that even possible, but anyway, it happened. That was the beginning of a lot of things going wrong. When everyone was busy exploring clubs and interacting with new people, I used to sit in my room most of the time doing nothing at all. I still remember missing the auditions of the music club for freshers’ night due to this, something that I had dreamt of for years. When entire wings used to be out for AM classes and CC/NCL visits for ESC lab preparations, I just cried on my fate. This vicious state of seclusion slowly started harming my academics, bit by bit. I did feel that I was missing out on a lot, but it never occurred to me that this would be affecting my acads so severely. When the results of the very first MTH101 quiz came, the damage was heavy and very evident. I spent the rest of the first semester trying to play catchup with acads, never being able to figure it out. At this point, it may look like the scene was very gloomy, but trust me, that was not the case! I spent my time watching movies, having bulla sessions with friends, which frequently turned into night-outs, enjoying fests and participating in events without care. I even got rid of my earlier FOMO by performing in my department’s freshers’ night and Odyssey, my hall (12) ‘s intra-hall cult competition for freshers.
The result- I had my first backlog after the end of the first sem. I was never the one who had dreams of a branch change or maintaining a high CPI before coming to college. This “chill hai” attitude helped me avoid depression. Still, it did not do much for my miserable way of handling my freedom on campus. The following semester, things did not change much except that more of my friends gave up on acads and were now sailing on the same boat. As sadist as it sounds, It was relieving to know that you’re not alone! That booked the ticket for my first and last summer stay at the campus. Summers were arguably the best time I spent on campus during the entire four years. The workload was less, and you could involve yourself with activities which allowed you to recover after the torturing lectures of the day – pubg sessions for the win. This difference from a regular semester made me realise that some of us struggle due to the sheer madness and the unreal pressure of doing everything, everywhere, all the time in freshman year.
Ups and Many More Downs
Enter the second year. Having done well academically in the summer term, I felt I should indulge in fests/clubs, especially after missing out in the first year – a thought that occurs to the most junta in every batch. As it turned out, I overcompensated by holding 4 PORs in 3 fests at a time! I thoroughly enjoyed working in Udghosh that year. Interacting with seniors in hall-1 during the time was an experience I will cherish. I made new friends, some of whom went on to form the support group that I would need badly in the challenging days ahead. I also worked with SPO during the winters as a company coordinator for the placement season, which was another great learning experience.
Alas, when everything seemed to look merry, I flunked another course. This time a core course for my department. But something felt different now. I was mature enough to realise that I had messed up unnecessarily this time, giving complete disregard to academics again. I genuinely thought it was my fault and had my first brush with depression. After a month of opening up and discussing my issues with some close people and working on them, I returned for my 4th sem. The plan was simple – get all focus on the courses this sem and prepare for the fast-approaching intern season. This also meant giving up on all non-academic responsibilities. Frankly, I can’t say it was the best decision then, but it did seem to work. Midsem results revealed that I had done reasonably well in all courses, particularly in the one I was repeating, which gave me a lot of self-confidence. I would end up getting an A in that course this time. The feeling of finally being back on track, as it appeared, was comforting, to say the least. And that, of course, is when covid struck.
The semester result revealed that I had scored my best SPI ever(and that would remain the case till the end). The sole focus was on intern prep – mainly consisting of competitive programming, which had been a big thing in my wing since my first year. Still, I had always swayed away from it. Slowly and gradually, the initial enthu of giving contests, practising questions and completing Coursera specialisations gifted to us by the institute faded away. Spending entire days scrolling social media, making goofy memes on my Redmi note 5 and bingeing stuff became the new norm. In addition to this, the first online semester started. In a desperate attempt to replicate the academic vigour of an offline semester, the administration introduced means of continuous evaluation, which was a disaster, in my opinion. My entire week was flooded with assignments, presentations, quizzes, and instructors trying to complete the whole coursework in a much smaller semester. My below seven CPI and not-so-great coding skills (or any relevant skills for that matter) ensured that I did not get any intern offer. All this chaos was distressing. It felt like being back to square one. Consecutively, I decided to keep my 6th sem relatively free. I did not take any challenging CSE courses in the hope of projects, mainly due to the fear of losing out further on my CPI.
In the summer that followed, when most of my friends were engaged with internships they had landed, I was cold emailing professors whose work was remotely related to ML/DL as it interested me then. I must have written around 50+ emails to profs across departments and, in some cases, across institutes. No prizes for guessing, the majority of them did not reply. If any of them did, it was generally on the lines of a cold-hearted “sorry”. Somehow, I connected with two profs from the IME department and was lucky enough to get projects under them. I tried to go back to coding again, which didn’t make much of a difference, but peer pressure gets you there.
The Last Mile
It was August, and the start of the penultimate semester called for switching priorities again. I minimised my coursework and emphasised preparing for the placement season. After discussing whether we were made for coding and whether a coding role was made for us with some friends who were equally and, in some cases, even more uninterested than me in coding, I decided to prepare for other profiles as well. The entire process was exhausting, from resume preparation to giving 4-5 tests daily, sometimes back to back. But the thing that would take its toll on everyone was the interview process that was yet to begin. I wouldn’t bore you with the details of how many times I got rejected, how many rounds I had to give and so on. I had two offers from decent companies in my bag on the same day, and I was content with them. Not having friends around on that day with whom you had done everything for the last three years was a bit stingy, but we made up for it by going on a long-awaited wing trip. To see those happy faces again, with the same energy as with which we came to campus for the first time, was a moment of immense satisfaction.
I could not return to campus early due to being sick of covid and later due to the admin’s closing of entry into the campus. But when we finally reached IITK again, life became as we intended it to be. After almost four long, arduous years of “engineering”, it was finally the time to party. This is the time that you long for when you get in. Trying out any substances that you could get your hands on, lurking in the academic area at 3 am for absolutely no reason at all, trying Maggi in every canteen on the campus, realising that they change the name everywhere, doing that circle waala dance for one last time in the final Antaragni pronite after which you stand quietly and gaze at the big screen trying to relive everything that you went through for one last time. The trip is for real.
Looking Back
If I say now that these four years were the happiest years of my life that I would cherish for life, and it was all merry, I couldn’t be lying more. And I see no reason as to why that is necessary. Perhaps the correct adjective here would be impactful. What you learn here will transform you into a better version of yourself who understands how much of what you do and think about its worth. You find friends who had you in the first half, only to realise that life changes people and you are not as lucky as you thought. At the same time, you meet friends who cry and laugh at the same things as you, sometimes at you. Some of them will be with you until the very end, and you will know they are for life. The quote that comes to my mind here is:
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
– Douglas Adams
Living your life precisely like it was by someone else does not guarantee you being in their place after all. Neither does not doing it that way mean you would never “make it”. It is about trusting your gut that eventually, everything will work out, one way or another. It is about connecting those dots from Steve Jobs’s famous speech at Stanford. You can never connect the dots looking forward. That is to say; you can’t live your years at IITK carefully planning out everything as if it were an algorithm and despair if that doesn’t happen. You can only connect them looking backwards after being there, doing everything you had to do and sitting with a cup of coffee to pen down your ‘As We Leave’.
Written by: Shobhit Bamoria
Edited by: Tanya Soni, Bhavya Sikarwar
