Anshul Yadav is a Y16 graduating student in the Department of Civil Engineering. He talks about his journey at IITK and how he navigated his way through his undergraduate degree.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
Well, as I sit on my desk recollecting all my memories of the last five years (maybe four, damn you, COVID!! -_-) of my college life, I ponder upon the things I should tell you. Should I tell you about the extraordinary and adventurous escapades (and ofc my first GBM <3), or emphasize the extra special friendly bonds I was fortunate to have. Should I advise you on how you should deal with being at IIT-K, like a letter to my past self, or should I dictate an unbiased narrative summary of what I went through and let you take your own decisions? Just to be thorough, I went through the articles previously submitted to Vox, and it is no surprise that people have already covered almost all the things I had to say. Not left with much creative freedom, I fear my article would be rendered redundant by the reader (O! sweet alliteration, see, I should be studying literature instead xD). Anyway, let me tell you my secrets, a reflection on my decision-making process, things I may or may not have told anyone before. My decisions might sound stupid at first glance, but I guess if I acquaint you with what went through my mind while taking them, I might convince you otherwise (or not, who cares. Lol). Before that, however, like a good writer always does, let me acquaint you, my reader, with myself. I entered IIT-Kanpur as a freshman in Civil Engineering and will be graduating with a bachelor’s in it and a master’s in GIS (you don’t have to know what that is). After graduating, my current plans are to join the Texas A&M University as a doctoral student (I have no idea why I am opting for more boredom by staying in academia), and on the conventionally interesting human being scale, I’d be too close to the origin to be considered amicable. So why should you care about what I am going to tell you? Because, through the eyes of a cold-hearted sociopath, the world has a different tint, which might or might not be helpful for you.
The first “interesting” choice I made was my department. With a CRL rank of 1571, why did I choose CE at IIT Kanpur? Well, partly because of my father’s influence who wanted to see me as a civil engineer (and later as a civil servant as well) and partly because of my discussion with Dr Partha Chakraborty, my friend Promit’s dad, who convinced me that CE is indeed very intricate and beautiful. But you know what, the most compelling reason for me choosing CE was arrogance. I was thrilled by the challenge that I could give something back to CE to make a difference. That I was talented enough to contribute and avenge its tarnished image of not being among the first choices of first-year students. Well, in hindsight, I don’t think I have been more horribly wrong in evaluating myself ever since. IITs are mad places with mad people doing maddening stuff, and I (who believed he was the best kid in Y16 CE) was nowhere near. It’s an unspoken truth, but IIT Kanpur is quite like a feudal society, with some departments being aristocratic and others lying in the peasantry in direct correlation to the returns associated with them. In my opinion, however, this divide is more a matter of perception than truth and is often propagated through a series of myths, some of which I too came across during my freshman years.
They said, in CE, you won’t get placed in the first two days, yet one of my friends did exactly that in the first slot of the recruitment drive. They said, if you do get placed, the chances are that you will never earn as much, and yet, one of my friends went on to become one of the highest package holders on the entire campus. They said you’d surely fail if you don’t have it figured out as early as possible what you want to do in your life, and yet one of my friends began working from scratch in his third year and went on to get into JPMC. They also said research in CE is sub-par, there aren’t any opportunities, yet one of my friends went to secure one of the only two places in the prestigious Honda YES scholarship to Japan, competing against many excellent candidates from a multitude of departments. Finally, they said CE is boring, it’s nothing more than construction and materials, and yet, here I am, madly in love with the subject, so much so that I have decided to do it for my entire life. Well, maybe I just had some freakishly talented friends, and mind you, I do feel very fortunate to have shared my classes with such amazing people, but I would still place my faith in the notion that all departments have splendid opportunities if you do not approach them with a rejectionist’s attitude
Anyway, countless people would have told you already that IIT-K is unique because of its people and the bonds we create. Well, it is accurate, and I feel no shame in repeating the cliche. However, a few people are bonds with whom are more memorable than others; they are not just your friends; they are ‘family,’ they are your wingmates (often both figuratively and literally xD). I am glad of all the memories I created, and it would be an injustice if I don’t mention how much I have been missing them ever since. These guys have always been there for me throughout my life as it ebbed and flowed. Mind you; I just had the best roommate, the best neighbours, the best second neighbours, … eh, you get the drift. I just had pretty much the best wing I could have ever had. However, there’s one more person without whom my story is incomplete. She inspired me to be the best version of myself with each passing second, and I owe her whatever little I could achieve.
Life was good, honestly, until I marred it myself. Maybe, imagine being alone in your room, desperately trying to get through each day of the most demanding semester (which is hands down the fifth for CE) you ever faced, compounded with a feeling of worthlessness that you would feel after eleven research internship programs rejected you in a row, and then you get diagnosed with a chronic condition which will plague you for your entire life. What would you do? Don’t look at me, for I made the stupidest choice possible. I retired into a cocoon. The “Cocoon of despair.” I was too scared to face my insecurities, let alone share them with people I trusted, and hence did the worst thing possible. I chickened out. I ran away from everyone and everything. The weight of my insecurities led me to believe that I was worthless. Maybe, if I could have mustered up the courage to share what I felt with the amazing people I had around me, it could have been better. You know, all your bonds are like plants; you need to water them, take care of them regularly, and yet in precise amounts. You can’t flood the field with affection and care, and you also can’t let it dry up with your sociopathic tendencies.
As Mrs Elm said to Nora, “Regrets don’t leave. They aren’t mosquito bites. They itch forever. And sometimes regrets aren’t based on fact at all.”
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
Time doesn’t heal stuff; it just makes you realize and probably justify your regrets. So, reach out to people you trust and share with them what you feel while you still have the opportunity. I know that this is a bit hypocritical, but sometimes a hypocrite is just a person changing. I know I didn’t do it, but I should have.
Anyway, so what do you, a self-important individual, do when you get rejected eleven consecutive times. Well, you just try for the twelfth, and that is precisely what I did as well. Luckily, the last program I applied to selected me, and off I went to board my life’s first international flight to the US. It was fun — the summer. Quite instrumental in solidifying my resolve for what I had to do for my entire life. Travelling abroad is often a gateway to new cultures, which is exciting. However, these opportunities also presented me with a feeling of freedom and empowerment in my solitude. After a long time, I finally felt happy. I was doing something I liked and had made peace that I wasn’t the best in the business. However, the fact that motivated me throughout was my resolve to be better than what I was in the previous moment. My objective, ever since, has been with me bettering myself. See, that’s how college changes you for the better. It makes you more mature than you are when you join by providing you with opportunities that widen your parochial perspectives.
The fourth and fifth years of my college life were filled with a plethora of exciting things; most of them, however, had blazing starts before being extinguished by COVID-19. I picked up tennis, probably the best decision I took. Went out to the movies and random eat-outs with my friends. Went back to sketching and writing poetry. I started running again. Went to Japan in the winters. Did things that once made me feel whole. I learned a lot, played a lot, smiled a lot more. Live a lot in the process. And now, when I am on the verge of saying goodbye to this fantastic place I considered home for five long years, I am very sure, earnestly, I wish to go back to my first day and live it all again. Over and over again.
So, in conclusion, I have no idea what I should say. As you would have established by now, my story is pretty ordinary, and the events that populated my college life do not provide me with an inheritance to preach. However, I will leave you with some advice that I recommend you follow if you see value in me. First, don’t neglect your sleep. We, as young men and women, often see sleeping as wasting away 1/3rd of our day. Don’t do that. Second, attend all your classes and listen sincerely to what the professor has to say. It drastically reduces the time you have to spend with your subjects, which you can utilize elsewhere. Third, always talk to people at least two years older than you for advice. People just senior to you will often tell you fluffy stuff with little substance in it. And lastly, make friends and a lot of them. It indeed is the best thing IIT-K has to offer. Finally, stay safe, follow your passions, and don’t let your failures bog you down. Defeats are often more precious than victories. On that note, these are the concluding lines, which have etched onto my heart:
Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude, and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.
Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.
-Khalil Gibran.
Written by: Anshul Yadav
Edited by: Tanush Kumar, Aryan Pandeya
