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In this 4th Edition of As We Leave, Shivang Pandey, a Y20 student with a double major in Computer Science and Physics departments, takes us through his journey at IITK. From the online semesters to the vibrant chaos of campus life, he shares stories of late-night jam sessions, academic highs and lows, moments of doubt, and the friendships that carried him through it all. In this honest and heartfelt reflection, he shows us how every phase shaped him into who he is today, leaving behind a melody of memories that will echo long after he’s gone.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IITK.
Life is too short, the here and the now, and you’re only given one shot
“Jitne jaldi ho sake yaha se nikalo,” was one of the first pieces of advice I got from a Y17 senior in my first few days on campus. I dismissed that advice, thinking that his frustration towards the campus stemmed from his own inabilities, and I certainly would do better. But in the next few years, I cycled through that feeling, and its complete opposite, multiple times.
Being a part of the “Covid batch”, college began in lockdown — Zoom lectures, HelloIITK assignments, sticker spam on WhatsApp, dreaded Codetantra and Gradescope exams, random Discord listening sessions, and forgotten platforms like Acadly and Brihaspati. I was genuinely excited to finally study real mathematics (yes, I loved MTH101) and physics, and start my journey to become a physicist after a long and extended JEE prep. However, my best online sem memory comes from our freshers CS:GO competition, in the finals of which, we were trailing 10-15, somehow managed to tie 15-15, the extended match also tied 18-18, and eventually winning 22-19. All this while one of us was on a trackpad, another had just installed the game the day before, and I had to play on battery due to a power cut.
After two more long and monotonous online semesters, stepping onto campus felt like opening a new chapter. We finally lived our delayed first-year experience — meeting new people and old friends in person, late-night bulla sessions, night-outs, endless photos, GPLs, “interaction” sessions, parties and whatnot. I also got to finally enter the music club and jam with people. I performed on stage for the very first time in front of hundreds of people. Luckily, I was even made the Music club coordinator, which, honestly, I didn’t expect. All was going well.
The dream is like a song, it leads you on and on. The piper plays his tune so you must follow.
Third year was harsh. Interested in research, I opted out of SPO internships and applied for research ones; however, though I got shortlisted in many places, I got rejected everywhere. My grades dipped. The coordinator workload was becoming way too much to handle. I started ignoring food and sleep, due to which my physical health declined. All of this affected me mentally as well. The intense summer heat, mess food, and the highly inefficient workings of the “Sarkari” hall office and DOSA office, all made me reconsider that advice and I wanted to get out of campus asap. By the end of the third year, burnt out, physically drained, and mentally checked out, the words didn’t sound bitter, they sounded true.
Being rejected in research, I considered applying for SPO internships, and I was determined to go in full grind mode in the summers after my 3rd year, targeting a quant intern while managing a couple of physics research projects. Midway through the summer, I got seriously ill and had to be hospitalized for a week. This took a whole month out of my prep as my parents wouldn’t let me go to campus until I was fully healthy. This setback completely derailed my plans. Fortunately, thanks to a strong profile and some good past work, I got shortlisted in consulting, but ultimately, I landed an internship (and later PPO) in finance, for which I hardly prepared. The one thing that helped me immensely in the interview was my confidence and the “jo hoga dekha jayega, kuch na kuch to kar lenge” attitude, something which I developed after constantly thugging it out in my 3rd year. The funny thing is, I started college interested in physics research, applied for SPO internship aiming for quant/SDE, got shortlisted in consulting, and finally bagged an offer in finance.
This little-bit-of-everything – all the small things, like a jigsaw falling into place – is how I think I can describe my college life best. I’ve had friends across the spectrum — the 9 pointers, the so-called maggus, as well as those who barely passed, the chaapus, the lassus, the bakaits, the passion follow karne wale and the money lovers, the teetotalers and the opposites you know of. I always had something to like and learn from everyone, hear everyone’s stories and share an aspect of mine as well. And this is the one advice I’d like to give to any junior – Explore people, places, passions, and let them change you. Your room is just for sleeping, spend your time outside, exploring, making friends and memories, learning something, growing, hear and try to understand the diverse range of thoughts, emotions and aspirations of everyone in the campus, and develop a broader perspective of life and world.
After the year-long intern stress finally ended, life felt good again, all the fun was back, and I changed my opinion on that advice again. In fact, I got so chilled out that my grades reached the minima in the 7th sem. But I didn’t care much as I had reached the final 4 months with my friends here, the 8th semester. As much as it sounds cliché, and as much as I cringed whenever I heard such statements from others, those 4 months were probably the best time I ever had. Reconnected with old friends, hung out and partied with current ones, and made new friends. My mental and physical health bounced back, my grades rose, the BT vanished, and I felt completely at peace, with myself and everyone. And, except for that one blot on 13th April 2024 (which still haunts me), those 4 months were perfect. Perfect. Every day was an event, something to celebrate, something to hang out, something to party. The photoshoots, batch video shoots, farewells, graduating ME, year-end party, farewell karaoke. It was perfect. I wanted these moments to last forever, I wished never to leave the campus.
The hardest part of ending is starting again.
But after a while, you realize time flies, and the best thing you can do is take whatever comes to you. 9th sem stood pale in comparison to its predecessor. After months of living like every day was a celebration, reality slowly crept back in. The farewells were over, the rooms a little quieter, and the energy on campus had shifted. Most of my friends had graduated and all of a sudden the classes were boring, the wing and hall lost their spark, Mclub didn’t feel like the home it used to be. But perhaps it wasn’t meant to; places change, and so do we. What lingered were the memories and the people who had become my constants.
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older. Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Throughout my undergrad, there were three constant sources of fun and support: the music club, the physics gang, and wingies.
My Mclub coordinator tenure was an unusually stressful one, being the first offline tenure after COVID, and I often contemplated quitting. I remember when Rakshit and I were once sitting at the SAC stairs, the ones in front of Mclub, at around 3-4 am, when we encountered a new hurdle on top of already a hundred obstacles, thinking “How tf do we get out of this one?”. In that moment, I was so overwhelmed that I started laughing, partly because it was funny how such an improbable series of everything that can go wrong went wrong and stacked up, and partly because that was the only thing that could keep me sane in that mess. Mclub taught me a lot – communication, leadership, time management, and the biggest of all, the attitude and toughness to face any challenge head-on and not worry about it too much.
But better than these resume points was the music and the friends. It was an absolute delight to go in there and jam to your favorite songs every day and then perform them on stage. I loved sharing, discussing, and listening to music. I found a community that shared a similar love for metal, rock, and punk music. Performing Boulevard of Broken Dreams, the song which inspired me to pick up an instrument, and the moment when a random non-IITK guy cheered on me all excited as I played the opening notes of 46&2 during synchronicity soundcheck, are among the highlights of my college experience. The red-padded walls echoing our riffs, chai-paratha-fuelled nights, andar wala room, 4 a.m. harmonies that bled into sunrise and empty OAT mornings, the synergetic high you get when everyone is in perfect sync during practice, are some things I’ll cherish forever.
If there’s one thing I’ll miss more than the music or the campus, it’s the people — each one adding their own chord to the melody of these years.
I loved performing all my fav songs with Rakshit, right from Kaise Hua to True Love Waits, from whom I also got to learn that soft skills like leadership and people management, although often overlooked, are just as important and impactful as any other work. The clutches with Kunal – winning CSGO in the first year, pulling off first position in (eventually scrapped) galaxy band competition with just 2 days’ prep, and finally covering Sharp Edges after 2 years of excuses, on our last day on campus. The constant fights with Ritick, the classical curse of Datey, and the bonds with Aadarsh, Anushka, and Nivin. The seniors – the metal connection Adarsh and Aniruddh, Vinoba (OP) with the classic “bass badhao”, the jams with Raju (jamming the unplanned “the tempo song” is one of my best Mclub memory), the debates with Rajit proving metal is objectively superior to jazz, the memories with Khyathi, Ramdas and Baijal. The juniors – black metal, black metal, and the andar wala room discussions with Arpit, Porcupine tree, and “counselling” Madan, the physics-Mclub gang of Arnav, Samarth, Chitresh, and Ritick, all the songs, fun and bonding with Benison, Mridul, Virmani, Gattani, Samprit, Prabal.
The physics people with whom I loved discussing and learning physics, and all the fun in between. The constant philosophy, feel, and gyan modna of Nakul, the rivalry and treat-bets with Srivishnu (still 2 treats pending). The lab classes, although packed with some cool experiments and some rather tedious ones, were often like a department hangout spot with the optics dark rooms and ACs. The constant mischief and badmosi with Bawne inside those labs as well as outside, the continuous RR, BT, and guitar repair with Sahil and Keval, and the time spent with Kalash, Bhavya, and Srujan. Seniors like Saad and Harish also helped a lot during times of inevitable BT regarding career options every physics student goes through.
My roommates and wingies were the ones who had seen me through all my BT phases. The times with Armeet and Arka, the H2 Bob Marley room, the discussions of C133 which shall remain in C133 (until one of us becomes a CEO or something, upon which, it would be used for blackmailing), Sarath was my go to friend in online sems, bulla, poker and movie nights with Kanha, Goyal and Raghav. Armeet is probably the only one who has seen all my faces and phases of college life. One of the best things about IITK — and Hall 1 especially — was that no matter where you were going, you’d run into at least 4–5 people along the way saying, “Aur bhai, kya chal raha hai?”. My friendships weren’t just restricted to these groups. I bonded on Linkin Park, metal, and music with Arpit and Mahaveer. Doing OS assignments with Prem, while everyone was out celebrating Diwali. There are too many people with whom I spent a lot of good time, and I know I’ll always gonna miss out someone or the other. Please don’t get mad at me.
The late night and early morning walks, sunrises and at H2 terrace and sunsets in the quad, L20 ledge, OAT, yellow daylight and blue twilight shades of acad area. Getting out of bed at 7:58 for an 8 am lecture, being called out numerous times for sleeping in class, the exam rush, the assignment anxiety, and the unprepared quizzes. The list goes on and on as the beat goes around and round. I’m never gonna cover everything. But that’s the beautiful part.
They say “Life is too short”, “The here and the now” and “You’re only given one shot”
But could there be more, Have I lived before or could this be all that we’ve got?
As I look back, it’s hard to summarize what IITK truly meant to me, because it wasn’t just one thing. It was a constant back-and-forth between extremes: joy and stress, success and setbacks, friendships and solitude. In many ways, our batch had a uniquely turbulent journey. Experiencing first year in online lockdown mode, searching for jobs during layoffs and economic downturn, and applying for a PhD during US funding cuts and global uncertainty. Almost every phase of our college life came with an asterisk. But maybe that’s what made us tougher, learning to move forward even when the odds didn’t play fair. But through it all, this place shaped me, not just academically or professionally, but as a person. It gave me people I’ll always carry with me, memories I’ll never stop revisiting, and lessons I didn’t even know I was learning at the time. Maybe that Y17 senior wasn’t entirely wrong; there were times I wanted to leave. But now, as I prepare to leave for real, I know a part of me will always want to stay.
And though another day may steal your dreams away, you and the song will always stay together
As the shadow of the day embraces the world in gray, and the sun sets forever over Blackwater Park, I am to bid you farewell. I realise that the summers are always slipping away. The good old days were always now.
I have been inspired, loved and supported by a lot of people here, and hopefully, I might have returned the favor to some of you. I’m grateful for everyone I got to share this stage with. May we get a chance to do some of this one more time, and as Feynman said, “Let it give us one more final pleasure; drink it and forget it all!”
Written by: Shivang Pandey
Edited by: Naivedya, Himanshu Mahale
Designed by: Pragya Puri
