Swadha Pandey is a Y17 undergraduate student from the Physics department. She presents her story through 4 years of IITK and argues why one should go their own way!
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT K.
Someone asked me the other day, “If you had to do it all over again, what would you do differently?” My only response was—“Are you kidding me? There is no way I could get through it all again.” The last four years were, without a doubt, the best years of my life. But they were also the most difficult, challenging, complicated, and chaotic.
I joined IITK Earth Science, intending to change to Physics after my first year. Within the first two days of orientation, it was made pretty clear to me that my branch was considered inferior. “So you must want to change to CSE or EE?” Seniors would ask me jokingly, but the implication was obvious. Even after my first year, when I was applying to change to Physics, people constantly advised me to change to a better branch. Looking back, I’m just grateful I took a moment to think about what I really wanted, what kind of future I’d be happy with. I’m not going to tell you that everything will work out in the end, no matter what you choose. It might, it might not. But taking a moment to decide for yourself rather than following established trends is always a step in the right direction.
When I joined, I was super excited to be a student at IITK. But I never got to be one; I was always a female student. As a girl, everything you achieve is either because you’re a girl or despite it. Got that internship? It’s because she’s a girl. Good at coding? Even though she’s a girl?? I spent so long wishing I could just be a person, but in a batch of 50 girls and 750 guys, that was never going to happen. Too often, I was the only girl in the room, in the branch, in the club. And when that happens, your voice is automatically subdued, and everything you do is scrutinised and discussed. If you find yourself in such a situation, you’re not alone. Talk to any girl around you and odds are, she’s been through something similar, and you can both get it off your chests (I promise it’s cathartic). What I got from this experience was thick skin, and the realisation that if people are always going to judge, I might as well be the most authentic version of myself. For a long time, being a girl at IITK was quite suffocating for me. But while it was a slow and frustrating process, I will say that learning to get over it was liberating.
I’ve been fortunate enough to know what I wanted from the beginning—I wanted to do research in Physics, and I’ve rarely ever doubted it. I did poorly on the JEE and didn’t get the branch of my choice. But one thing IITK gives you is a second chance (in terms of a branch change), and a third chance (in terms of a double major), and many more chances in terms of minors and various types of dual degrees so that you can pursue what you really want. After my branch change, I seized every opportunity to do research and never looked back. We often feel like our options are limited to what the people around us are doing, and we pick and choose our activities from that basket. One of the best decisions I made as an inexperienced first-year was to apply for research positions in fields I had no background in, and keep trying until I found a professor who would be willing to take me on. This led to some amazing experiences and projects, which only opened more doors in the future, and a big part of that was not being afraid of rejection. I fell in love with quantum mechanics and lasers at the labs I worked in. In my opinion, doing something you’re passionate about is the key to not being burnt out academically.
The other half of my college life was music. I’ve always loved singing, but as a fresher, I was terrified of performing. Ask anyone who saw my face on Freshers’ Night- I was ready to pass out. But I sang, and the world didn’t end, and somehow three years later I gave my last performance as coordinator with (almost) no stage fright. All clubs at IITK are disorganised to some degree. If you join one, you’ll probably have both good and bad experiences (and many sleepless nights). But if you’re lucky, and I was, you’ll also find some of your best friends, some of the most talented people, and some of the coolest juniors to hangout and perform with.
As I say goodbye to IITK, I take with me the best and the worst of it. I take with me the Antaragni pronite I missed because I was having an anxiety episode. And the very next night when I danced for three straight hours with my friends. The wing gossip sessions that made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt, as well as the inevitable 3am nervous breakdowns when I had two endsems the next day. The joy, the stress, the judgements, the missed classes, the eureka moments in the lab, the frustration of a project not working out. The day my internship offer was revoked, the day I got a PhD offer from my dream school. The professors who inspired me, the professors who felt too awkward talking to a girl and addressed me through my male batchmates. The MT pakodas that breathed life back into me after a night-out, the mess sambar that gave me food poisoning.
There’s a lot more I could say about my journey at IITK, its ups and downs, but all I really want to say is—don’t spend your time trying to imitate your seniors’ or wingmates’ paths. When I joined four years ago, a lot of the beloved ‘IITK culture’ was about uniformity. A uniform way to introduce yourself, to behave as a first-year, to interact with the seniors. A fixed hierarchy of branches, an established set of activities you were expected to participate in. For me, nothing has been cooler than watching that change. So here’s to a new IITK culture—one where the power lies with you; one that’s about being yourself, finding your people, and defining your life on your own terms.
Written by – Swadha Pandey
Edited by- Abhimanyu Sethia
No Comments
Leave a comment Cancel