As We Leave…#21

Niket Agarwal is a final year undergraduate in the CSE Department. Let’s have a look at his journey at IIT Kanpur and live the nostalgia and reminiscence with him.

Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT K. 

As I leave, a part of me stays. A part of me remains connected to this place, and this sense of belongingness is what I’m thankful for. This place has instilled a feeling of ‘us’ in me. A feeling that there are people around me, living in the same wing, in the same or nearby hall, who I get to see every day. I may not talk to them every day, but I’m afraid of losing this web we’re in.

There’s this part of me that still wants to rush to the canteen at 2 AM, hoping to get that last plate of Maggi on a cold winter night. It wants to go to those boring lectures just to mark the attendance. It wants to relive those many night outs eating Kathi rolls shouting war cries for my randomly allocated hall in those inter hall events. This part of me wants to do all those silly little things with all those stupid hilarious people (aka friends) one more time.

This place provides each one of us with small little shells in the form of clubs, hobby groups, teams, and even wings. There’s this warm comfort of just being with people we love in a collective space that we all genuinely consider our own. Now, I understand that these shells aren’t something everyone embraces equally. Suppose you are the introvert type (as most of us are when we arrive here). In that case, it’s totally understandable that you’d find most of it quite overwhelming. But even then, I imagine you’d also have a tiny cocoon of easily accessible, litmus tested, comforting people around you.

One such comforting friend of mine said a thing that has been with me since. We had been strolling around the campus for hours and finally decided to gaze at the night sky, hanging our legs from the rooftop of the beautiful OAT. Breaking the silence, he said, “Bhai, bas 6 aur weeks hain hum yaha!”. It might sound overwhelming, but I was numb for a moment. I was numb because it induced an epiphany. I realized that our lives are filled with “I should have..”, “What if I did..”, “Is it too late?” like contemplations.

Of course, each one of us has a long list of things we wished we did: some more bulla sessions with our beloved wingies, a little more effort in that midsem, a better sleep schedule, not procrastinating, and whatnot. It is easy to crush ourselves under the weight of our own insecurities. Lying on the bed, cluelessly looking at those insecurities dripping through the wretched ceiling, we often feel that it’s too late. That somehow others are better, more successful. Also because there’s a peculiar thing about this place. There is no particular carved out path to success here. Everyone seems to be following a different route and somehow improving and moving ahead from where they are.

This place changes the notion of distance. The people closest to you seem like the ones farthest too. Some of them seem to have realized what exactly they want and are on the path to achieving it. Be it landing the right intern, maintaining the right CPI, completing those online courses, having that prestigious POR, or even a great sleep schedule. But for most of us, the story is different. It’s like a labyrinth (Bhul-Bhulaiya), i.e., an irregular network of endless passages, wherein we are not quite sure of what path we are on, where it will lead to, and whether we should have taken it.

Andy: ‘There are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside…that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.’

Red: ‘What’re you talking about?’

Andy: ‘Hope.’

(The Shawshank Redemption)

After all those insecurities, I realized that if there are endless passages, there are endless possibilities as well. And even on the worst of days, there’s a hope that we can still start over. We can begin the beginning that was long overdue. It’s hard for me to sum up my 4 years at IITK. However, if I had to, I would say it has been a recurring loop of sensing those insecurities and dealing with them with a lovely bunch of supportive people.

Life (and the coronavirus) has taught me that only uncertainty is certain in this world. We must take out time to truly appreciate the small things we take for granted. These can be as small as going out with people or practicing whatever the opposite of social distancing is. I would say that I have been very fortunate to be a part of the Counselling Service, through which I met some really wholesome people. My friends from CSE dept., FMC clubs, and some caring seniors (graduated & graduating) and lovely juniors whom I met during this journey. And of course, Shivani and my wingmates, who turned out to be a family.

When I look back at it, I feel that IITK ek vichitra jagah hai (IITK is a strange place!). The laws of conservation do not apply to this place, because a person who enters here leaves a part of them behind. And as I leave, a part of me stays. A part of me remains connected to this place, and this sense of belongingness is what I’m thankful for.

Written by:- Niket Agarwal

Edited by:- Hemant Kejriwal and Akshat Goyal