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In the 71st edition of As We Leave 2026, Zoey, a Y22 student from the Department of Chemical Engineering, looks back on four years that rarely went the way she expected. What began with feeling out of place slowly became a journey of finding comfort in uncertainty, building friendships that felt like home, and learning to embrace every version of herself along the way. From awkward Hindi conversations and academic struggles to failed startups, long runs, and dreams that refused to disappear, her story is a reminder that college isn’t always about having it all figured out. Sometimes, it’s simply about surviving the chaos long enough to discover who you are becoming.
Disclaimer:- The views presented below are the author’s own and are not in any manner representative of the views of Vox Populi as a body or IIT Kanpur in general. This is an informal account of the author’s experiences at IIT-K.
As I write this AWL, it’s a rainy Friday today, and I just got off from work. It’s my second week of joining as a full-time employee. Well, life is… different. I can’t just turn up to work with slippers anymore. I’m a big girl now, having a real job, and I get to wear heels in the city haha. I guess that’s what growing up feels like. Becoming just another silhouette in a city that’s always rushing somewhere, while at the same time learning to become someone entirely new. If one asks me, “How’s work?” I’d say, “Not that bad, I’ve been learning a lot.”As a matter of fact, I do. Mostly nagging the AI chatbot to churn out lines to keep me employed.
The other night, as I warmed up the food that the aunty had cooked in the evening, I couldn’t help but compare it to college life (olden times already yk), when I complained about the food, the items, the food that I hated so much. Well, it was a privilege to be spoon-fed, having it served warm without a worry about what groceries I’ll have to buy, running errands, or, like family makes me do those Cinderella chores at home.
Then a thought suddenly flashed through my mind.
I haven’t called home in days.
Life has been turned upside down in the span of two weeks, I got so busy that I almost forgot to breathe and be a human, do my skincare, and find time to do my hobbies. Teams, meetings, coffee breaks, those have eaten up my calendar. I’ve been losing friends, losing sleep, but if I tell my family everything about how I’ve been feeling lately, they’d probably be worried. So I say, “Work is not that bad, I’ve been learning a lot,” and blame it on my underdeveloped communication skills, or maybe that’s just another symptom of being the eldest daughter. To be honest, these are some traits I picked up as coping mechanisms that I’m definitely not proud of.
It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my btech college days are over already, I’m still in denial. Starting my corporate slavery before convocation could have possibly been a big factor too. I just can’t barge into the next room’s door and annoy the hell out of my roommates. They’ve got work, deadlines. I’m afraid I do miss Simran and Riya. We were three wingies who randomly paired up out of desperation after having traumatic first-year roommate experiences. I miss our random walks at 12 a.m. around the campus, aimlessly strolling without a worry about life. They saw me at my worst, my internship rants, heartbreaks, but decided to stay anyway. How cute. Everyone deserves their own Riya and Simran.
Apart from the Chemical Engineering department giving me much trauma, it blessed me a good friend group as well (ironically, best outcome of the branch imo). We used to live minutes away from each other, but now we live miles apart, in different parts of the subcontinent. I can’t wait to catch up once in a blue moon with them who happen to live in the same city. The rest, God knows when I’ll meet them again because social media just isn’t enough. Best believe I’ll bump into them in a café or at an event, say our hi’s, ask how life has been, go down the nostalgic trip all over again, how it felt to be young, energetic, pull all-nighters just to walk around the campus, and how we survived college. Cry about our corporate lives, congratulate each other on a promotion, or even getting married, plan a trip and have our little “Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara” moment.
Well, we ain’t getting a second life, and I chose to spend a good part of mine chasing a shiny degree because I thought that’s what people like us had to do (self proclaimed ambitious, an aspiring prodigy, terrible emotional intelligence and an avoidant character with daily fomo). Especially coming from the North East, I always felt like I had to work a little harder just to belong and be at the same table.(real imposter syndrome)..
But now that I’m graduating, it hasn’t hit me yet. Or will it ever hit me? It’s funny no? Or am I just being ungrateful? Eighteen year old me dreamt of this life, getting into IIT, got placed on day one. many people would kill for this life. I can’t possibly quantify the feeling either. My college journey has been a snowball effect of me being haunted by this need to be the absolute best; to me, survival was synonymous with excellence (or at least trying my best). It was a relentless pursuit of external validation, where every reached milestone only served as a launchpad for the next, forcing me to climb higher and higher into the unknown. I believe the very reader of this write-up happens to be the same. And I agree that life circumstances have made us become the person we have become today.
As the clock strikes twelve, the day will pass, and then Monday arrives. The same old routine, rinse and repeat. While sitting inside the cab to work, I feel a tight chest sometimes. An inevitable existential crisis follows every time. So I play my favorite tunes on Spotify to keep me sane.
Thanks for reading my quarterly existential crisis. I’ll probably be back after my next identity crisis or payday. Whichever comes first.
Until then, if you’d like to keep up with my little corner of the internet, you’ll probably find me oversharing on Instagram and pretending I know what I’m doing on YouTube. Come say hi. I promise I’m less dramatic there… most of the time.
Much love,
Zo
Written by: C Zoliansangi
Edited by: Gurmannat Kaur, Riddhi Shingte
