Chapter 1

                                     Hum aaye the ambitions lekar. Campus ne humein stories de di. Aur kuch                                                                          stories…unexpectedly long-term nikli.

27 October 2022.

4 baje subah. Prayagraj se Kanpur tak ek long drive.

Papa ke saath stories bhi purani thi, Kanpur was where he had once given his Indian Air Force interview, the one that changed his life. Somehow, ab wahi sheher meri kahaani ka beginning ban raha tha.

And then came the main gate.

INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY KANPUR

The dream.

A bittersweet feeling, happy that it had finally come true, heavy because dreams apparently also ask you to leave home.

Officially, I had made it to one of the best IITs.

Unofficially, I had arrived with a very confident “branch change kar lenge” plan.

I was shivering.

My first comfort on campus came in the form of my Amma, Isha Jain. Any inconvenience, tiny doubt, confusion, or existential crisis, first call: her. Somehow, she always answered. Not just in first year. Till fourth year.

Then came Hall 4, Room E108.

A room approximately the size of a matchbox.

And my roommate Sirinxa Xavier, a mallu whose name my mother still struggles to pronounce.

Everything felt unfamiliar initially, but somewhere between conversations with her and especially her extremely enthusiastic father, comfort quietly arrived. In helping someone else adjust, I think I slowly started adjusting too.

And then there was Sneha — my campus behen. She looked after me like an elder sister, woke me up for classes, and somehow managed to care for me and annoy me in equal measure.

My first class on 4th November felt… lonely.

The kind of lonely only freshers understand. Huge campus. New faces. Everything slightly uncomfortable.

And then I heard someone shout from the aisle

“Shivani!”

It was Muffed, my school friend from AFS Bareilly.

Relief has many forms. That day, it sounded like someone calling my name in a crowded classroom.

Semester 1 passed by in a blur, orientation, wing meets, Freshers’ Night, random campus walks, and trying to understand what IITK life even was.

Academically?

Pure confusion.

MTH111 felt like a personal enemy, and like every fresher, I kept wondering how everyone else seemed to know what they were doing while I was still buffering.

December brought the Treasure Hunt.

My wingie Divya joined our team, and on her request came another team – Harish, Regal, Prabhanshu, and Kundan.

Chaos followed.

Running around campus, solving clues, confusion, teamwork, way too much fun.

We reached the final stage.

We didn’t win.

But life was quietly setting up a subplot.

Because then came February.

Puppy Love season.

I submitted four hearts.

At 12:00 AM on 14 February 2023, the matches dropped.

Unexpectedly.

I matched with two of my female friends.

And one guy.

Harish.

Two days of complete silence.

Then he messaged.

And somehow, a Treasure Hunt teammate + a campus dating app match turned into a story that, more than three years later, is still being written.

Funny how first semesters work.

You arrive thinking the biggest challenge will be academics or branch changes.

Nobody tells you that somewhere between homesickness, Hall 4 rooms, confusion, and campus chaos… life quietly introduces the people who stay.

Chapter 2

                            Kuch feelings syllabus ke bahar thi. Aur hum… completely underprepared.

Semester 2, for the most part, was about Harish.

About discovering an entirely new side of life that initially made me deeply uncomfortable.

Love had never really been part of my plan.

For a while, I was convinced I had ruined a perfectly good friendship.

But somewhere between conversations, time spent together, and slowly letting my guard down… there was no going back.

First experiences are strange like that.

Nobody gives you a manual.

You learn while making mistakes.

And I made some.

A big one being – I forgot balance.

In making space for this new part of my life, I unknowingly stopped making enough space for people who had already been there.

My friends.

By the end of the semester, I had hurt people I genuinely cared about.

And slowly, painfully, I had lost them.

The reality of that hit harder when second year approached.

Hall 6 was coming.

And suddenly, I had nobody to live with.

Funny how quickly excitement turns into loneliness.

But college has a strange habit of sending people into your life exactly when you need them.

Enter: Anishya, Naina, and Divya.

My unexpected saviors.

Looking back, Semester 2 was not just about first love.

It was about learning how not to lose yourself or the people you love while discovering new parts of yourself.

Some lessons arrive gently.

This one definitely did not.

Chapter 3

                     Kabhi kabhi life branch change se zyada… perspective change kara deti hai. Aur kabhi                                                                       kabhi, bas CPI itni hi hoti hai. 

Semester 3 began with me entering BS Phy.

After exactly one week of classes there, I knew one thing with complete certainty:

It was not my cup of tea.

The people in my department were genuine enthusiasts.

I respected that.

I just knew I was not one of them.

And then, one week later, branch change results came.

Somehow…

I got into Civil Engineering.

(CPI itni hi thi.)

Relief.

Shock.

Mild disbelief.

And luckily, Harish was in Civil too.

Then began the true Civil Engineering experience:

Classes.

Labs.

Reports.

Submissions.

An impressive amount of time spent around equipments.

Semester 3 also came with a hostel shift – Hall 6.

We were initially asked to live in triplets in AB Block before getting double rooms in CD Block.

Simple enough.

Except… we were four girls.

One of us was supposed to shift elsewhere.

She absolutely did not want to.

So, being extremely rational people, we made a collective decision:

Nobody shifts. Everybody adjusts together.

A few days turned into more than a month of four girls living in one triplet room.

Peak optimization.

Peak Hall 6 engineering.

Peak questionable decision making.

It was crowded, chaotic, mildly impractical, and somehow… ridiculously fun.

And somewhere amidst all that chaos, another realization quietly arrived.

I had more people than I thought.

After Semester 2, a part of me was still carrying the fear that I had lost my circle.

College, once again, proved me wrong.

I started spending more time with Kaneez, Shahreen, and Pravallika, my wingies.

More conversations.

More comfort.

More proof that friendships do not always disappear, sometimes they simply wait for you to notice them.

Looking back, Semester 3 felt like finding a slightly better-fitting version of life.

A new branch.

A familiar person in it.

Friends I had underestimated.

And an overcrowded Hall 6 room that somehow became home.

Chapter 4

                                                                     “Main apply nahi karungi.”
                                    ek statement jo meri college life ne personally ignore kar diya.

Semester 4 began with us finally moving to CD Block, Hall 6.

And honestly?

Life was good.

Good roommates. Good friends. Good chaos.

By this point, college no longer felt like something I was constantly trying to survive.

I had people.

I had routines.

And somewhere along the way, I had also found a place that had quietly become a huge part of my IIT life – Fine Arts Club.

Funny thing is, that story almost never happened.

Back in first year, I had joined volleyball.

That is where I met Shruti Sinha.

One day, while talking about secretary interviews, I casually mentioned that I liked art but did not have any of my artworks with me on campus.

Which, according to first-year me, clearly meant:

“I won’t be applying.”

Shruti disagreed.

Strongly.

She convinced me to apply anyway.

So, I went.

I gave the interview.

And somehow…

I became a secretary.

What I did not know then was that it would bring me some of the best people – Shruti, Deewen, Shubh, and Manvendra.

The bestest coordies.

The kind of seniors who make intimidating things feel possible.

Then came one of the greatest experiences of my college life.

Inter IIT, IIT Kharagpur – Costume Design under FAC.

What a time.

The practices.

The chaos between practices.

The train journey.

Inter IIT energy.

Walking around IIT KGP.

And then… Kolkata.

Everything about that trip became a core memory.

Fast forward a little.

Now came coordinator interview season.

And suddenly, the person who once did not even want to apply for secretary interviews… was preparing for coordie interviews.

Irony.

I was scared.

Not “I don’t want this” scared.

More “What if I’m not enough?” scared.

Thankfully, my coordies did what they did best.

They comforted me.

Encouraged me.

Made the whole thing feel survivable.

Then came the interview.

Six hours long.

Yes. Six.

And somehow, after all the stress, questions, overthinking, and mental exhaustion…

The results came.

And along with Divya, Vaibhav, and Nilay –

I became a coordinator.

OMG. I ACTUALLY DID IT.

Because somewhere between “I won’t apply” and “You’re selected”, something had quietly changed.

The girl who once thought not having artworks meant she should not even try…

had somehow become a Fine Arts Club coordinator.

Looking back, Semester 4 felt like proof of something I had been slowly learning throughout college:

Sometimes, your life sees potential in you long before you do.

And sometimes, all it takes is one volleyball session, one club, one unforgettable train journey, and a few people refusing to let you opt out of your own story.

Chapter 5

                                                             Expectation kam thi.
                                                   Plot twists ka confidence zyada.

Semester 5 began with a strange realization.

We were no longer the people attending events.

We were the people running them.

Coordinator life had officially begun.

And somehow, we built a team of around 30 secretaries.

Thirty people. Thirty personalities. Thirty different working styles. Occasional chaos.

And honestly?

It was amazing.

We organized Orientation, Freshers, Echoes of Memories, and a hundred things in between.

Workload was real.

Sleep was negotiable.

But somewhere between meetings, deadlines, and event chaos… our secies quietly became our people.

Then came intern season.

The annual IIT ritual of stress, uncertainty, and pretending you are handling rejection maturely.

My expectations?

Very low.

The first month passed.

Nothing.

Then another.

Still nothing.

Four months into the season, expectations had reduced themselves to survival mode.

Thankfully, life had other plans.

Because in the middle of all this came Inter IIT 7.0 – IIT Patna.

Our costume team – Anshika, Himanshu, Ayush, and Yuvraj were genuinely the best.

The prep phase itself became an experience.

We bonded so much with our secies that somewhere between practices, costume discussions, and random chaos… they stopped feeling like our team and started feeling like our people.

And if I am being completely honest…

I think we enjoyed more than we practiced.

Golgappe sessions.

Watching IISM matches.

And one of our finest collective achievements –

sneaking into the IISM gala dinner.

Zero regrets.

Absolutely delicious food.

Peak Inter IIT memory.

Then came departure day.

We were leaving for IIT Patna.

And just before leaving…

I got a call.

After four months of low expectations, waiting, and mentally preparing myself for disappointment…

I got an internship at Godrej Properties.

What?

The timing felt unreal.

One moment – Inter IIT chaos.

Next moment – internship confirmation.

Pure IIT timing.

Looking back, Semester 5 felt like a semester of unexpected roles.

Coordinator.

Mentor.

Team member.

Intern.

And somewhere between managing events, finding family in our secies, surviving intern season, and receiving a life-changing phone call right before leaving for Patna…

I realised something.

Sometimes, when expectations become small enough…

life gets comfortable surprising you.

Chapter 6

                                                 Kabhi kabhi galat cheez buri nahi lagti.
                                                               Bas… apni nahi lagti.

Semester 6, for the most part, was… peaceful.

Or at least, as peaceful as IIT allows life to be.

I already had an internship.

Which meant, for the first time in a long while, I was not carrying the same stress everyone around me seemed to be carrying.

No intern season anxiety.

No endless uncertainty.

Mostly just… enjoying.

Chilling.

Doing college life without an invisible countdown running in the background.

And honestly?

It felt nice.

But near the end of the semester, a quieter realization started growing louder.

The internship I had secured was civil core.

And slowly, uncomfortably, I had to admit something to myself:

I did not want to pursue civil core as a career.

And beyond the role itself, even the location was something I knew I would prefer to avoid.

Not because the opportunity was bad.

Not because there was anything wrong with the field.

It simply… did not feel like the life I wanted for myself.

The difficult part was not the realization.

It was explaining it.

People wanted strong, logical reasons.

I never felt like I had an answer that sounded convincing enough.

I just knew.

And sometimes, knowing quietly is much harder than explaining loudly.

So, I made a decision that scared me.

I left the only internship I had.

No backup plan.

No guaranteed alternative.

Just a decision that made sense to me, even if I could not make it make sense to everyone else.

Looking back, Semester 6 was not loud enough to look life-changing from the outside.

No big milestone.

No dramatic announcement.

Just one uncomfortable realization and a difficult choice.

But I think this was the semester where I learned that growing up is not always about knowing exactly what you want.

Sometimes, it is simply about having the courage to walk away from something that looks perfectly reasonable on paper… but quietly does not feel like your path.

Chapter 7

                                                       Shortlists kam aa rahi thi.
                                                      Log zyada saath khade the.

Semester 7 began with one very clear agenda:

Placements.

Which basically translated to –

DSA. ML. Projects. Resume. Preparation. Panic. Repeat.

I did everything.

Prepared.

Built projects.

Worked on my resume.

Tried to do what everyone tells you to do.

But underneath all that preparation, there was fear.

Real fear.

My CPI was not exceptional.

My branch was Civil Engineering.

I did not even have an internship anymore.

I knew it would be difficult.

But this difficult?

I was not prepared for that.

Then came placement season.

Day 1.

Day 2.

Day 3.

Day 4.

Day 5.

Nothing.

And what I felt during those five days is something I genuinely cannot explain.

I just know I never want to experience it again.

The waiting.

The uncertainty.

The shortlists that did not come.

The constant feeling that maybe this was not going to work out.

But if there is one thing I will always remember from placement season…

it is the people.

Because somehow, even when my confidence disappeared, they never left.

Kaneez — who literally said she would not go home until I got placed, even if that meant staying the whole of December.

Who listened to endless versions of my “mujhse nahi hoga” rants.

Divya, Vaibhav, Regal, Prabhanshu, Tanishq, Harish, Nilay – running around for walk-ins, checking on me, showing up whenever I needed anything.

Kundan – one call, and he was there helping me prepare, teaching me, helping with resume prep.

Naman and Naina – trying to get to HRs, gather internal information, help in every way possible.

And then there were Shruti and Isha.

Still there.

Still listening to the same repeated worries:

“Why am I not getting shortlisted?”
“Will I even get placed?”

Placement season quietly convinces you that you are alone in your struggle.

I was not.

Not for a single day.

And then came Day 6.

And finally…

I got placed.

Relief does not feel dramatic.

It feels quiet.

Heavy.

Exhausted.

Almost unreal.

Looking back, Semester 7 was not just about placements.

It was about seeing, very clearly, the people who refused to let me fall apart alone.

Because yes, I got a job.

But more importantly…

I learned what it feels like to be carried by people who believe in you, even on days when you have temporarily stopped believing in yourself.

Chapter 8

                                                     “Last” shabd bohot casually use kiya tha.
                                                                    Phir woh sach hone laga.

Semester 8 was not really about academics.

It was about living on campus… one last time.

Watching Splitsvilla and a hundred other movies with Vaibhav and Divya.

Night walks and food runs with Kaneez.

Shooting reels across campus for the graduation video.

Dance Extravaganza.

Farewell.

House Party.

And, very importantly –

playing Mafia like the world depended on it.

There was wall painting one last time.

And then there was Echoes of Memories.

The event we had started.

And somehow, now, we were participating in it ourselves.

Full circle.

The funny thing about last semesters is that they do not feel heavy immediately.

At first, it just feels like fun.

Plans.

Photos.

One more meal.

One more walk.

One more movie night.

One more campus sunset you pretend is not special because there will obviously be another one.

And then, slowly…

people start leaving.

One by one.

I did not cry while they were leaving.

Not really.

I hugged people.

Said goodbye.

Acted normal.

But after they left…

when their absence started becoming visible in everyday things –

empty rooms,

missing conversations,

less notifications,

fewer people to randomly bump into –

that is when it started hitting.

And then…

I cried my heart out.

On 22 May, I left campus.

And strangely enough –

I did not cry then either.

Maybe because leaving itself does not always feel real immediately.

Sometimes, reality arrives later.

In silence.

In suddenly missing people who used to be one corridor, one phone call, one night walk away.

And after that…

I cried.

A lot.

Looking back, Semester 8 was not about learning something new.

It was about understanding what this place had quietly become.

Because somewhere between lecture halls, Hall 6 rooms, FAC meetings, Inter IIT trips, placement stress, night walks, movies, reels, paintings, food runs, and people who slowly became family…

I had built a life here.

And maybe that is why leaving hurt so much.

Not because IITK was ending.

But because a version of us that only existed here… was ending too.